my update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
my update
8
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 4:37pm
Hi again everyone.Well it's been a couple of weeks since me and om ended our a, and I must say it was hard at first but things are much better now.I still work at the same place so of course I still see om but I'm just fine with that.We still talk and joke around but that's all.He still flirts but I just act like I don't realize what he's doing.I will not go there again,and I know he won't either.So we will remain friends.I have went to speak to a therapist which was really a good thing to do.He really helped me sort through my emotions.I go back next week.I have talked to my h about my feelings and he talked to me about his.He has really been trying and is doing a good job.He is not bi---ing about bills etc,and he is not being overly affectionate,which was driving me away.He told me that he loves me more today then yesterday and that will never change.He said I was his best friend and he does not want to lose me.I realized that I am so lucky to have a h like him.The grass isn't always greener on the other side and I'm so happy I realized that before it was to late.I don't want my m to end.I will keep working on my m.My feelings for h is getting stronger and I'm so glad.I want to be close to him.I will continue to talk to him how I feel and I think he will do the same.I hope I never go through this again.I know I still have alot of work to do but I'm confident that I will come out on top.This whole mess I got myself into really made me think about alot of things.I feel like a stronger person.I didn't tell h about the a though,and I don't think I will.He said we can overcome what ever problem we face but I don't want to take the chance because I know he will really be hurt.Is this the right choice?I wish all you people going through the same problems good luck.Oh,one more question I got om something for his new baby on the way(which is due anytime)should I give it to him?Hope this isn't to long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 8:00pm
Dear Care,

You sound like you are coming out on top already,

good for you!

You are wise to keep the A a secret. I do not believe

there is any positive outcome possible from telling H,

and you are right, it will only hurt him deeply. I think

this is one area where total honesty in a R is not a

good thing, especially after the A is over and

undiscovered.

As for the baby gift, it sounds like a compassionate

idea, if MM will not misinterpret it. I would hope it is

not out of place with the other things he will get. Of

course, he will always remember that it came from you...

Good luck!

ditr

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 9:29am
Thanks for replying.That's why I'm afraid of giving the baby gift to him,afraid of the way he'll take it.I really am not trying to win him back in any way.I'm still deciding on the issue.I'm not sure what you mean as long as it's not out of place with the other things he got.All I got was an outfit,and balnket,oh and a card.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 10:14am
Dear Care,

You didn't say anything about the gift,

and I was worried it might stand out in

some way. It sounds innocent enough though.

He may mis-interpret your gesture, but

you sound like you can easily set things

straight again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 12:40pm
Hi Carebear...

Glad you're happy with where you're at and how things are turning out. Definitely do not tell H about the EMA... DitR is right: what good could it possibly do?

Give the gift. Actually, I think it seems more like a sign that you're accepting a new phase in both your lives. Hard to misinterpret a baby blanket and onesie unless you throw a garter in there or something... ;-)

Good luck with the work on your M. I hope all continues to go well for you.

-lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 3:52pm
Thanks for your reply.I have good hope that my m will be ok.I know I will continue to improve it and I think my h will to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 4:06pm
I hope he doesn't mis-interpret my gesture because I will proberly get upset or p---ed off.I'm only trying to be nice.I was also thinking about what other people might think.I'm not sure anyone knows about our a but I can't be sure.I have noticed a couple of girls I usually talk to seem to act funny around me not saying to much to me.I don't know if it's just my guilty conscious or what?Any advice on that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 2:09pm
Dear Carebear,

It is hard to read other people sometimes,

some paranoia after an A I think is normal.

I would hold my head high and continue on

in as normal a fashion as possible, hoping to

outlive any rumor (if one exists at all). You

can't just come out to everyone and say it is

over, so you might as well live your life as

normally as possible and let them think they

were wrong. That is the funny thing about

rumors, you never know if they were true or

not. Live as if it were a lie, eventually it

will go away. Think through a denial, just in

case...

Hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
In reply to: carebear627
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 4:18pm
Oh I'm not letting it get to me.I will deny it if something is ever said.Alot of rumors around that place.I think it's just my guilty conscious truthfully.I'll get by.Thanks!