My Update - Help, I'm so confused!
Find a Conversation
My Update - Help, I'm so confused!
| Sat, 05-29-2004 - 11:40am |
So to recap, MM is on vacation next week and I was deciding whether or not I would say something to him yesterday at work about seeing him next week since he had previously mentioned it. I had also been pulling away all week because it seemed like he was "off" again, but I wanted to wait to see if he would initiate contact with me. By the way, like I said we work together and I sit diagonally from him in a cubicle, so I see him ALL day. We just changed our seats on Wednesday and it has been hell being that close to him and hearing him on the phone with his W. We used to be separeted down the cubicle row by about 6 people and I couldn't hear as much and didn't have to see him all day. Anyway, he finally made contact with me other than work. He instant messages me yesterday morning and asked how I was doing and that I had been really quiet all week. I told him I was doing ok and that I wasn't talking to him much because I felt that was what he wanted - my emotional roller coaster. Why do I always need reassurance? I'm so paranoid. So we chatted a little and he said it's hard to sit by me because he wants to attack me all day and that he can't stand how much the other guys at work flirt with me. He said he knew they came to my desk a lot, but didn't realize how flirty they were. It drove him crazy. I work for an internet company and my team has 20 people, only two women. I'm around men all day...lucky me! LOL So we ended up going to lunch too, but with 3 other people. We did drive together though, just the two of us, because we had to take two cars so we had a chance to talk. He said I seemed "off" this week and we laughed because I always think something is wrong with him and he always thinks something is wrong with me. I guess we can't be "on" all the time since we work together and can't let anyone know what's going on. Sorry, this is getting long, I'll try to wrap it up. So he said he wanted to see me next week while he's on vacation, so I'm taking a half day on Wednesday to spend the afternoon with him. I was happy about that, but there were a couple things said too that bothered me. He said things are going well at home right now, but then I think ok they're going well but he still wants to see me. What does that mean????? I guess I always think he just wants me when he's unhappy at home. It bothered me that they are doing well though, even though I should be happy for him. They are coming up on their one year anniversary too....ugh. I told him that it bothered me that he doesn't let his feelings go with me, that he is so careful about letting himself get too close to me or truly understand how he feels about me. His reply was really hurtful...he said he only has so much room in his heart. I just said "Yeah, that is unfortunate". I didn't know what to say. So yesterday was odd...it was great because I know it's still on, but yet everything is good with him at home..blah blah. I can't wait to see him on Wednesday though. I will have NC with him until then. He said he will call me at work on Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening, sorry this ended up so long!
Melafo
Signatures On
| Sat, 05-29-2004 - 1:23pm |
Hi, i don't know your situation, if you are M or not or how long you've been in the A, but when my MM tells me things are "good" or "ok" at home it means that W is not suspicious of him, or in my case that H is not suspicious of me. Some times it is hard to relax when we are together if there is that to worry about. Think positive about that, but if he is talking about his M then yes i would be just as worried as you and wondering why he is in this A. My MM and I also work together and sit 3 desks away from each other, i love it, i get to see his smile every day and he gets to see mine. We get together everyday after work and twice a week for lunch, I have told him many times that he is spoiling me. In the beginning of our A (been together 7 months but known MM for 3 yrs.)we both were very reserved about our feelings and if this is just for sex, but as time goes on we have expressed our love for each other and i have confronted him about these feelings and where we will end up. (Sorry, now i'm getting too long. LOL) I guess what i'm trying to say is don't be afraid to ask questions about your feelings for each other because i know i wouldn't want to be told in a month or so down the line that it was just for the sex. So, with all that said try and enjoy Wednesday with him and i hope things go well for you.
