NC continues but then there is FB...?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
NC continues but then there is FB...?!
5
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 4:03am

So...June 22 I got an email from AP, saying

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 7:01am

Even if he contacts you, once there's been a d-day, an A is very hard to continue. It won't be the same as it was.

I honestly would take him at his word and assume you will never hear from him again. It might sound harsh and I know this is not what you want to hear, but you can take your power back by unfriending HIM on FB, blocking his e-mail and phone number, and finally being free of him. I wouldn't think that you still being his friend on Facebook is a hopeful sign. Does he ever post updates there, or comment on anything anyone has posted? If not, then he isn't even going there and he's forgotten about you being his friend.

To more specifically answer your questions:

A) Is NC always permanent?

No, but maybe you should make it permanent.

B) I think it's positive for me, that I haven't been unfriended (yet), maybe he really is just buying time while he smooooths things out with her. What do y'all think?

I think he forgot about his Facebook account.

C) My experience with ultimatums is that they aren't good. They are emotional blackmail, and ultimately do more harm than anything else. Your thoughts on this?

In some cases, yes. But a spouse insisting that their spouse stay away from their AP, once discovered, isn't emotional blackmail. It's perfectly reasonable. She might have said - "IF YOU WANT TO STAY MARRIED, stay away from her." So this means he wants to stay married. He chose her.

D) Any other insight (good or bad for me) that you have to share, I'd love to hear.

I don't know if I have any "insight". For your sake, I think you should deal with this as permanent and grieve the loss, and get over him sweetie. You could try reading at EAS and see if you feel ready to post there. They can help you with every aspect of going N/C. I know it hurts. But it'll hurt less after awhile. (((HUGS)))

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:11am

Hi Frognbutterfly,


I agree with Lexione & think you should continue NC permanently. Honor his request and don't contact him until he contacts you and even then I'd continue about my life and help find "ME" again. We have so much healing in ourselves to do and I would see this as an opportunity of him letting you grow, moving on, & learning from this experience.


Keep your options open at all times and in time you'll find someone that is not attached that is deserving of you. I know it hurts & you miss him & what you had but you have to love you first.


Wishing

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:56pm

Thanks for your honesty and your kindness.


I really have no plans to violate his NC request.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 1:15pm
Just block him ! That what I did when I caught myself lurking into my exap fb..
If a person is causing more heartaches then pleasure then it time to say, Good bye..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 1:26pm

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry this hurts!!