NC is making me nuts!
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|Tue, 11-27-2012 - 9:44am|
On Thursday my AP sent me an email saying he was "having a hard time" and that it was "out of scope" for us - and went NC. Yesterday I saw him briefly at a work event and he said hi, then he was gone the rest of the day.
I didn't email him all weekend, but after I saw him yesterday I sent a quick note, asking him if he was leaving for the day - no answer.
I'm so upset!!! It's killing me.
Plus last night H and I had a 3 hour conversation about where we are going and what's happening, and I know what H wanted to hear, that I loved him and appreciated him and was committed to our marriage but I couldn't say anything, it's like I was paralyzed. I am more upset that I haven't heard from AP than the conversation with my H.
This morning there were three work emails from AP regarding a meeting we were supposed to both be at today, he said he "hasn't been feeling so hot" and won't be in, but was really looking forward to the meeting and would I please raise his issues on his behalf? I feel like saying no, I need an explination, what's going on? But I don't know.
It's killing me - this no contact, not talking thing. I'm feeling so incredibly lonely and upset about it. And H senses I'm upset, but thinks it's about him, and we have been fighting or having issues all weekend, and he felt like I was mean to him when we went out to dinner with friends on Saturday.
All weekend I kept thinking back to our last physical contact (in September) while we were away, and it was just incredible. I was thinking for a while that I could give it up, and be the good wife, but I don't know. I couldn't do what I do without my H in terms of my professional career, and I just can't imagine going through a divorce. I feel very stuck between a rock and a hard place. Have you survived this? How did you do it? What happened?
I work with women who have almost all been divorced, but can't ask them why or what happened. I'm feeling very isolated - I don't have any IRL friends to turn too.