NC over the Holidays
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NC over the Holidays
| Sun, 12-14-2003 - 11:51am |
I am very much in love with MM...I am single. We used to work together but I quit because rumours were causing problems and he was up for big promotion. I also thought leaving would help me as well. So he just got his promotion and he makes even more time for me then ever. BUT the holidays and all the parties and dinners and plans kept reminding me that I am 2ND PLACE....she gets to go to functions and wake up with him on Christmas. If he REALLY loves me then we should be together....but there are kids (A stepson and a 1 year old). If he left he would have no rights to stepson that he's raised for 8 years.
SO I told him yesterday I wanted a break...atleast through the holidays. No calls, no lunches, visits...NOTHING. He said he understood. So it's day 2....of nothing. For the last 1 1/2 years we have seen each other every day somehow..even if only for a hug at a gas station...and we talk atleast 3-5 times EVERY day. But I'm not all that upset...almost relieved. I feel guilty about that. I HONESTLY, truly love this man and believe he's the love of my life---so why aren't I upset?
I am so confused...if it's easy to get through the next 3 weeks with NC...then should I make it forever?

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It sucks that she gets all the benifits. I don't like it myself at all. And everytime I think about it gets me upset sooo I try, try being the key word, not to think about it. Unfortunately, that's one, of many, of the bad side.
Don't feel bad that you are "OK" with it. That's great you intiated the NC for a bit. The holdays are very hard on those of us in these A's.
But why would you want to make it forever, if things are great?
He swares it's his kids....but I find it hard to believe that someone could sleep in the same bed with someone else and share ALL the main things in life--like holidays if they didn't love them. SO I am left alone on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve....if he REALLY REALLY loved me would kids really stop him from being with me?
I've never been married nor do I have kids so it's easy to doubt everything. In MY opinion you do WHATEVER it takes to be with the ones you love....
He may love you, but believe me; he will always love his children and the idea of his family (his wife is part of that family unit) more. Well, maybe not always (never say never), but that bond is incredibly hard to break. I'm not trying to be harsh, but until you've had children, you will never understand the power of that love -- it comes before anything and everything else.
IF he loved me he'd be with me......
NC is hard.. i am the queen of NC going from strong as iron days to blubbering marshmallow days.. but in the end, I try to believe that if something is meant to be it will be... and if not, life goes on, no matter how much you love someone.. its so hard to imagine, but i try to tell myself that.-
He probably really does love you too, but he made a commitment; a commitment with children involved and that's a bond that's just heart-wrenching for a parent to break (no matter how much he loves you). I'm sorry; I know this has got to be very rough. I have a lot of respect for you going with the NC (especially over the holidays).
Hang in there,
Charlotte
He IS doing whatever it takes to be with the ones he loves.....HIS CHILDREN!
Let's say he were to leave his kids. His 2 little ones he loves and adores. Don't you
think that would have a affect on the relationship with you?
Don't you think the W could cause havoc knowing he left to be with you? The best way to get back would be to use the kids. And some people are like that, unfortunately.
It's possible to sleep in the same bed and not love that other person. I know my ex-husband and I did for many years.
I love my MM very much also. I would do anything for him and it hurts to know he stays for his kids, but I know if he left his 2 kids (8 & 5)he would die inside. That's a whole different kind of love.
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