NC was impossible

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
NC was impossible
5
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 12:02pm
Well, the NC lasted 3 days. We were both miserable so we met for dinner to talk. He says he loves me--doesn't love his wife like that--can't imagine or stomach us not being together, but that he gets the same feeling if he imagines not being with his sons. Says I'm his girl, we're perfect for each other---WHY did I marry her?---He's so stuck in his own mind. I don't have kids but I see how hard the choice is. He says that he can't possibly leave them BUT he also can't possibly live unhappy because they'll grow up seeing all the unhappiness. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS??????????????

On the 3rd day of us not talking he said he was so nasty and mean to his wife because he was miserable and had scorching headache over our dilema...says she kept nagging and he said he snapped and threatened her physically. I can't stress enough that he's NOT a violent person but he says he can't stand her but loves the kids more then anyone or anything. She told him she wasn't happy and he wasn't happy and that he should move out. When he confronted her next day about leaving she said she wasn't serious. Now she's being nice--cooking things, but he says it's all a little to late for her to be nice. He says after awhile things will go back to normal and they'll be miserable again. He says the closer we become the more he knows he married too young and the wrong one.

I hate this situation....I am 33 and I would never even LOOK at a guy with a girlfriend let alone a 10 year marriage and 2 sons...but I LOVE him and he loves me.

I have to deal with the fact I can't end this yet..I love him and everyone around his marriage that's even friends with her says their marriage is doomed.

I wish I could go back to the day we met and I would've turned a different corner I sware.

Avatar for zookittie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 12:48pm
Wow

You and I sound like we have a lot in common.

I am single and 30. He has been married for 15 years and has 2 kiddos. He tells me everyday he loves me. We too did the NC but our lasted for 2 weeks about 6 weeks ago. Both of us are going on seperate vacations for New Years and will have 2 weeks of NC and are both dreading it.

The biggest joy I have though is that when they all get back from NM, he is going to tell his W about me and since she already kind of knows about me he feels sure she will end it and if she does not, he is going to end it with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 1:11pm
I hope you're right that he'll soon tell his wife, but don't count on it. I don't want to sound too smarmy here, but I've read one whole helluva lot of these posts and I've learned to have a pretty jaundiced eye toward what a guy promises. R.
Avatar for zookittie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 2:04pm
I do have hope but am also being somewhat pesimistic. He knows that I am a bit wary and promises that it will end soon. I told him that I do have hope so but that actions speak louder than words and that time will tell the truth.

:-)

B


Edited 12/20/2003 2:09:29 PM ET by zookittie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 3:06pm
Please be cautious of ANY man that threatens another woman, esp. the mother of his children, with physical harm. I *perfectly* understand DETESTING your spouse...but even the threat of physical harm is abusive. Trust me, I know this...I'm getting out of abusive marriage (where there have been threats of harm, but no actual bruises). Keep in mind you do not live with man daily and do not have the day to day stresses of marital life: bills, mortgage, job, childcare. If a man is prone to snap and threaten to use physical harm because he would rather be somewhere else, imagine if YOU pissed him off.

And, btw, I too am having an on again/off again affair for two years.

Think about it...pay attention....be smart.

dharma (who used to post on this board as san franny or franny....for any old timers who are still around).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 6:20pm
well well well if it isnt FFF Franny .how they hangin gurl? Lola