Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need Advice
5
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 10:00am
Things are happening so fast with this. I'm feeling out of control sometimes. I've posted yesterday about MM going ahead w/ his D. We did discuss what he would say if his W asked if he was having an A. Though he didn't give me an answer and he wondered how I'd be if she found out. That got me wondering since my phone rang and it was his cell phone and when I picked up they hung up. I just have this awful gut feeling that it was his W. We were just friends throughout this whole winter where we play in the same league. He expressed his attraction to me but we didn't do anything about it until the last night of the leage last week when he drove me home and we kissed. Now he came over yesterday saying he is going ahead with the D. What should I do if W approaches me?????? I feel like I might be able to get away w/ saying we are friends but I know no matter what I say she'll believe what she wants to. He's been unhappy a long time before he met me. I really need advice. Have no idea how to approach this and I have a feeling that I will be approached. I never wanted to get into this. I tried so hard to stay away but my stupid heart wouldn't listen!!! I don't want to be thought of as OW but that is exactly what I am!!! Now what!!!! Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ihope4thebest
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:02pm
In my opinion MM should be the one talking to his W or soon to be XW - not you.

Even if his W calls you I would not reveal anything -

Have you discussed your feelings about this with MM ??

You should ask him what he would want you to do if this situation comes up. What would he want you to say if anything ?? Ask him if he thinks she would call you -

Preparation is a good thing in these things -

Are you married ?? if so then you need to discuss what issues may arise on your end should his W start making phone calls and maybe start trying to bring down your world.

But my advice would be just ask his what he thinks is going to happen and give him all the scenario's and then you both can discuss how you think things should happen on both ends -

JS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: ihope4thebest
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:07pm
My feeling is you need to talk to MM....and have a similar story as his....honestly i think you should both pull it off to a friendship and leave it at that...because for the most part that is what your relationship has been....up until recently....but that's what i would do.....

Good luck...keep us posted

molly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ihope4thebest
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:26pm
What a difficult position!

In a recent poll, most responded they would "deny deny deny" when asked about an A, even if there were proof. I would deny if there were no proof, but if it were obvious our relationship was known, I would admit it.

In my opinion, if the W does ask questions, I would admit to a friendship (that much is obvious in your case I assume) - but any other questions affair related, I would not answer and suggest she talk with H about it since it is up to them to discuss how it affects their relationship. The W should direct her anger or feelings at the H, not you. And you're right, whatever you say she will see how she wants to, and could be taken out of context.

It doesn't sound as though you know the W? Is she going to think of you if he mentions an A, need he name you?

My MM's wife was suspicious, and confronted MM, naming me. He was close to admitting, but since there was no proof, he didn't. She hasn't actually come out and asked me, but has hedged and made remarks, to which I've played dumb or ignored, and same with my H. (we all know each other socially)

Try not to be on pins and needles - keep busy so you don't watch for the phone to ring. Don't assume it was W calling - it could have been MM who accidently rang your number, or someone was about and he needed to hang up. And, hopefully you'll have a chance to talk with MM soon and learn what has transpired, if anything yet. Good luck, and keep us updated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ihope4thebest
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:38pm
Thank for all the responses. Meow, I do not know his W at all. MM and I have hung out at a bar with his friends so I think it's obvious with his friends with all the flirting we did. But I also know his friends and I don't think they would ever say anything. MM has told be that W is a decent person and he just hopes that she won't be bitter.

Well, I have news!!! So MM called again and didn't leave a message. The phone rang a third time and I was too afraid to pick it up. Anyways, this time MM did leave a message and said "He has stirred things up at home" and he really hopes that I don't get dragged into this in any way. We are planning to talk on Monday so I'm not calling him back since I don't know if he's home or not. So, all that worry for nothing but I agree with everyone to admit we are only friends and as long as MM and I both know not to tell a sole about the kissing. And that is the truth since we just kissed for the first time last Thursday. I still can't believe how quickly things are happening!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ihope4thebest
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:44pm
Thanks for the reply. I am single and we are planning to get to know each other after or if he leaves. My timing is always so off!!! lol. Anyways, I have suggested to give him space to deal with this but he just really wants be around so I have to find a way to stay out of what is going on with his M and support him. This is definitely a tough road that I'm not looking forward to and I realize it could have a bad outcome but I've decided that I need to risk this because the connection I feel for him.