need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
need advice
3
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 2:04pm
if anyone is here, I need advice. My a went pa and had ic last week, things were good after wards until the next day, and now when we talk it seems like the interest is gone. We made plans to meet this week again but how do I keep the interest for both of us? Ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 4:05pm

For some reason it's very common for the guy to appear to lose interest after the first physical connection (and it will continue to happen, usually, after every physical encounter, in varying degrees). This can happen even when there's been years of flirtatious build up, and he's acted like he would be the luckiest man on the planet if anything like that were to happen. I honestly don't know why it happens - combination of guilt, shame, who knows really - women don't seem to have that reaction. Instead we feel more bonded and connected by the sex (chemical reactions, but still, it feels intense).

I do know that it's usually temporary. It's part of the "roller coaster" we all talk about. When he's pulling away we go way low, and when his interest is high, we're on a high also.

Wait it out. When he gets cool, get cool too. If you get all clingy it works the opposite and he pulls further away, and for longer. If you can live with the highs and lows, and know what to expect, it won't be as hard.

Sucks, doesn't it?

By the way, not all guys are like this - mine never was - but I've seen the pattern here over and over.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 5:56pm

I have to agree with Lexione (boy, twice in one day :).


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 12:05am
I would say give it time. The pressure build-up and heat of the iron has been released and cooled down by the IC. Just wait a 'lil bit. It will heat and build up again soon. Then that would be a good time for you to let him know your dislike of his pulling away and disinterested act. This is probably the time he's most likely to listen and hear what you're saying.
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