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| Sat, 10-04-2008 - 8:22pm |
I am in need of some advice. I have been with AP for 3 1/2yrs and his wife has known about me for the past 2 1/2 yrs. When she found out she
| Sat, 10-04-2008 - 8:22pm |
I am in need of some advice. I have been with AP for 3 1/2yrs and his wife has known about me for the past 2 1/2 yrs. When she found out she
Wow Travel -
That is quite a story sweetie.
Wow that's heavy. But fear not because your not the only one to have an AP baby! Well you have a major benefit in the fact that his W knows and doesn't care. I am sure that this very situation has crossed her mind whether she verbalized it or not. Have you considered not tell HER. I mean if she is happy w/ the status quo why rock the boat? As long as AP handles his business, she doesn't have to be a factor in the situation, AS LONG AS AP provides for the child. I mean if you had to take him to child support then that's different. Think about it, for whatever reason she doesn't feel threatened, because she probably tells herself that he has no anchor w/ you. If she knows that changes w/ the birth of a baby, then she may switch up her program. This levels the playing field in your direction. Keep it that way.
I know that you asked for advise about how to tell him, but I did have a purpose for saying all that. The biggest obstacle between you and AP is W. If he doesn't feel like he HAS to tell her, then perhaps he will be more comfortable w/ the news. It will be a shock either way. Even people who plan to have babies are initially shocked when they find out. Try not to take it personally. It's not a reflection on you or his feelings for you, it's just MAJOR change. Once it sets in, I think that you two will be fine, and make a separate happy family for him. Most kids in D families don't see their non custody parent everyday, so you'll be no different.
I consider you lucky believe it not. AP had been back w/ his W a week when I went to the emergency room w/ a kidney infection, and found out after 13 yrs that I was pregnant. Pregnant by AP, who just happen to have a vasectomy five years prior that I never knew about. So now he thinks I cheated on him, and I wonder how I got pregnant after 13 yrs, of never getting pregnant by H. I had to wait for the birth, and a DNA test, oh it was a mess at first, but everything has really worked out well. It will for you too.
Your and Ap's baby will be beautiful, and you will be fine. Congratulations.
no advice as to what you could do but there is a post on EAS by a man and his wife as well
where the H is in the same place as your AP.The screen name is 'evilnomore' of the H.
This situation can turn very tricky, could work for or against you.
I was able to tell him yesterday and he took it better than I imagined. He just kept saying he was sorry and that he didn't know what to say. He said he wasn't ready for a divorce that he was getting things organized at home. I can understand that because I am divorced so I know how he feels. I
Hi Travel -
I have been thinking about you - thank you so much for the update.
I am so glad that he took it as well as he did - and that you were able to discuss things with him calmly and rationally.
i don't have advice..i will say wow, at 34 y/o i cannot have anymore children by choice...i have one teen son...but i just want you to know there are options out there for you, also make sure you are open and honest with yourself and him
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Well its been 5 days since I told him and I am an emotional wreck. Just when I think he is getting a handle on things he goes off the deep end again. He has been very nice but he seems to think I am the only one he can talk too. I have heard every thought that goes through his mind. He tells me he thinks about walking away but that he would feel guilty. One minute he tells me he is going to tell her soon to get it off his chest and the next he is telling me "I can't take this anymore.....it is killing me from the inside out....I'm so sorry to be telling you this".....this after he was talking about how he was going to have trouble selling the house and paying for his divorce and seeming like he was coming to grips with this. I feel so guilty and part of me wants to tell him to walk away but I know that doesn't solve anything. His wife will find out either from him (and he really is a good guy and I know that walking away would not be easy for him to do)....someone else will tell her....or she will find out after the baby is born when I ask for a paternity test and child support.
I know I need to be patient and I am glad he is talking to me but it has me sick to my stomach, and stressed way beyond belief. I told him that I am at a higher risk for some things during pregnancy and he seemed to understand that. Then he goes and upsets and scares me so much that my blood pressure is high and I can't sleep. He has asked me what I would do in his wife's shoes and I have been honest with him. I do believe that this news coming directly from him will be the easiest for her but he still gets in this mindset that if we go our separate ways then the problem goes away. I don't think he really believes that and I have to admit I have had the same thoughts but I really don't know how much more I can actually take. I don't feel like I owe him a walk and if he does walk then my loyalty to him ends there. I love him but I can't lie to protect him.....in the end I will have to do what is best for baby.