Need advice fast

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Need advice fast
3
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 8:52pm
I have been in a relationship with a MM for about 2 1/2 years. It is not something that just happened....we were friends for about 10 years. He has broken in off with me three or four times already. The time before this last he promised me that he wouldn't do it to me again and we were spending time together 2 to 3 times every day including weekends. Sometimes on the weekends it would be just to meet for a few hugs and kisses and just to see each other. He told me from the beginning that he wasn't going to do anything with his marriage until his son graduated from high school which is in 3 weeks. Then he lost his job and he felt like is life was in turmoil. He told me that he had to end things but called me the next morning and has been calling me every day since (sometimes up to 3 times a day) He had said at the time that he wasn't being honest to me, to himself or to his wife and that he needed to work on his marriage. He also told me that he had been intimate with her. He didn't want to see me because he said he needed to keep his distance and keep emotions out of it. All the while he was telling me he loved me and missed me. Then last week I told him I missed him and couldn't wait to see him. He told me that he wanted to see me too. I told him that I would not be able to see him without kissing him or touching him. He said that would be alright but no sex. Well he stopped over and we started kissing and one thing let to another and we ended up having sex. He wants to come see me again. He said this is the hardest decision he has to make (whether to truly end things with me or end his marriage). I told him that I will always be between the two of them in every kiss and even having sex. (He told me that he had the best sex ever with me) I believe he truly wants to be with me but feels an obligation to his marriage. If he was satisfied with his marriage and wanted to work on it why does he keep coming back? And I know this man well enough that if he was happy in his marriage he would have never stepped outside of it and if he really wanted to work on his marriage he would let me go and do just that. I know he is confused but I just can't walk away. I am trying to be strong because like I said....I truly believe he loves me and wants to be with me but is afraid to let go. I just need some advice from someone who knows what I am going thru to tell me what to do.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 11:35pm

Trisha-


I wanted to respond to your post even though I don't have any solid advice to give you. This is my first post on the MAS board. I do know what you're going through though, although we have never broken it off. My AP told me at the beginning that it was "just sex", but since then (a little over a year) it has become a lot more and we love each other very much. He is kind, sweet, gentle and makes every effort to be with me that he can.


We are both married without kids. I am unhappy in my marriage and basically separated although we share a house (but that's it). He says he is "happy" in his marriage (they have been married for 21 years). And I wonder the same thing that you do. If he's happy then why are we still doing this? I think he, like your AP, feels an obligation to his W since they have been together for so long. I think he also worries what people would think of him. I wish with all my heart that he wanted to be with just me.


While he makes me happy, knowing that we will never truly be together makes me sad beyond belief. I think about breaking it off every single day, but I don't know how I would function without him. Or more realistically, I don't want to function without him. We work together so that makes things even tougher. The constant up and down of my emotions is getting really old. Every time I think I should definitely break it off, he does something sweet that makes me change my mind (as I'm typing this, he just sent the sweetest email.)


So, like I said, I don't really have any advice for you other than to be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 10:30am

I guess you are S.If you believe in him ,yourself and the R,then stick around.
Being S is tough but i guess,you have to comes to terms with the nature of A's and then deal in the best way you can.

(( hugs ))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 11:46am

Trisha


"If he was satisfied with his marriage and wanted to work on it why does he keep coming back?"


He keeps coming back because