Need advice. My story

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Need advice. My story
2
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:44pm
I am new to the board. I have been married for a year and a half and have been having an affair with a MM since Feb. 2003. My husband and I had problems before getting married but we went through counselling together and things were great a year before we got married and the first few months after the wedding. I honestly thought that he had changed and we were going to have a healthy marraige. In August, my husband was physically abusive and he was arrested. I still have not spoken to him but we are not separated. He does not know of my affair.

The man I am having the affair with has been very supportive and we talked about leaving our spouses for about 5 months now. I love him and we have so much in common. Last week his wife found out about us and wants a divorce. He has been out of town for weeks now and has not faced her.

The biggest obstacle is I am 30 and he is 50. I want to have kids and he had a vacetomy. He is willing to have it reversed and do whatever it takes to have children with me. I keep reading books on infidelity and the odds are stacked against us should we get together. I feel like my life is in limbo right now. Any thoughts or advice?

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 9:19pm
Well i am in a similar situation, i've been seeing my MM for five months. My MM is 14 years older than me. We talked about getting together permanently, and he is still on the fence but i don't think it's going to happen. He has been married 20 years and she doesn't mind the he sees me basically as long as he doesn't leave her. He also had the big V LOL.

We had decided that we would not have more kids if we end up together. i have one which is more that i can handle, and he has 2, already grown. i don't know the chances of success after reversing a V, but i don't think the chances are THAT bad. You should do some research.

Just thought i'd let you know i am in similar circumstances and the age thing well... it's a challenge i guess in some ways but not too bad. we think it's kinky :) There's a "may december romance" message board here, too.

Anyway he's still with his W but our stories are similar :)

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 9:28pm
My Mm was also about 10-12 years older than me (he lied and told me he was 47 but I know he's 54-55). He had a vasectomy also, but I've had my tubes tied years ago. We say we are "double safe". I already have three kids and he has two. I'm just waiting for mine to grow up (youngest are 13). When they are done high school, I will make my choice about staying with my H or leaving. If things don't change at home by then, I will definitely be packing my bags. Whether or not MM is there at the time, I need a life I can enjoy.
xxxx