NEED ADVICE( NEW TO THIS BOARD)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
NEED ADVICE( NEW TO THIS BOARD)
5
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:32pm
I have what may seem like a long story here so please bare with me, Im gonna try and make this as short as possible, ok Ive been married for 3yrs, 2kds, Im 26, and so is my H, I met this guy about a year ago, which is now considered my (OM), last year we were talking, ended up messing around HEAVY,I mean real HEAVY. It was to the point where I was telling my H that I was going out 4 times a week, and wasnt coming home till about 3am, ok after 4mths, of this my H moved out, I was still seeing my om, extra HEAVY, come to find out he was also dating someone, which he told me their was no one else but me and like a dummie I believed him, but by this point I honestly started loving this man ,I mean like more than I loved my husband, I really felt like this man was my soul mate, ok me and him ended after we had a big fight, me om and his ow, I know I shouldnt have bother but yeah we had a big falling out, me and H got back togethier, and tried to work on our family, the whole time where trying to work things out, Im thinking about my ex-om, like I would call his phone and hang up to hear his voice, I know I had it bad. so the beginning of this year me and the ex om, ran into each other, to make a long story short we have been messing around, not real heavy because ive been trying to keep my distance, so we talk literally at least 6 or 7 times a day at least half an hour each time, and we see each other at least 1 a month because im scared, He wants us to hook up like everyday literally, he wants us to go out, out of town and here and their, but the ball breaker is he thinks me and H is never gotten back togethier, and he thinks I stay back at home,so when we see each other its at his house, and now he wants me too move in, he's such a total different person now, he's so into me, at least it seems that way and he expresses his love for me all the time, mind you I have always loved him, I never ever stop loving him. Im very scared and I dont want to g othrew the stress I went threw last year, because I actually went threw depression last year. Its like im at the point where Im questioning my marriage again. I feel really relieved that their is some where I can express my feelings without being judge. thanks everyone for taking the time to read all of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:52pm
How is your marriage working out this time around?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:57pm
Actually, nothing has changed, the sex is boring, I just lay their, wishing for it to be over quicker than the three minutes he usually gives me. We still argue over stupid things, he still brings up te past (of course) but ifwere supposed to be moving on he should not bring up the past, the trust issue is still the same, If I tell him im going out he's calling me like every half an hour. It's just so much stuff that's going on with us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:11pm
I can totally relate to your situation in a sense. My OM (for the moment-I'm not sure how much longer that will be) doesn't know I am still in my relationship with bf. What you need to do is take some time out and really think about what YOU want and what will make YOU happy and go from there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:40pm
Kismet,

You state that you met OM about one year ago, that you both were hot and heavy and after 4 months you left H and moved out of the house and in with OM. OM had another OW to your surprise, big fight and you went back to H. Not sure at this point what the time frame would be possibly 6,7, or 8th month period from the very beginning, or less. Still you want H to not talk about the past which is really just a few months old. You also state that OM is a different person now, and wants you to move in with him, and go back to enjoying the local night life. Ask yourself does he miss you, or miss having someone around for the pleasures and the parties. Being a single man, will he be able to adjust to the times your two little ones are with you both. For someone use to being able to just get up and go he might have some adjustment that he is not prepared for. If you are leaving H just to be with this guy which is what it appears at least to me, then please step back and really be aware of what all the possible outcomes might be. He has hurt you onece, so make sure that he want hurt you twice.


Good Luck and be carefule.

MoebNMe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:04pm
Thanks for the advice, but I never moved in with him, he wanted me to, my hhusband had moved out before but I never left. And I guess you do have a point as far as him wanting me goes,I never really looked at it that way. I think it's really just that me and my husband have grown apart, weve been togetheir since we were 13yrs old literally, I mean we were each other's first, I also want my kids to be happy, I really would love it if things can go back to the way they were between me and my husband especially and mainly for the children. I think im really confused right now, and I also think im just scared of being alone especially since I never have really been alone.