need advice please, in a lot of pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
need advice please, in a lot of pain.
4
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 9:06pm

my mm 2 weeks ago had a friend come stay with him from out of town. even though his friend was staying with him we still kept in touch. all weekend, on sunday we talked, and i told him call me when you can. we left of as ok. monday rolled around, not a word, then tuesday i imd him. he said thanks for being understanding right now he needs space.


back ground, he's going through a very bitter divorce right now. he's unemployed, and trying to sell his house, and no bites, and his wife took his 2 kids over 12 hours away. he's got poop on top of poop going on.


i told him i understood. last week i imd again to say hello, and asked if i could see him for a little while. he said it was not a good time for him. he said he needed sometime.

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 9:17pm

I know I can say that I know how frustrating it is when you feel you are being rejected, neglected, or not a part of a loved one's life. Here's my little tidbit of advice. Sometimes men do need time all alone (or away from their woman). It doesn't necessarily mean a rejection of you. My H refers to this as "cave time". We as women want to be there to help remove the crap, be a shoulder to cry on, talk it out; but sometimes (as I've seen) they just need to be alone in it. Obviously this can't go on forever, but if he's told you that he needs some time; then give it to him. In the meantime keep doing your own thing. I know you fear the worst about you and him; but it honestly may have nothing to do with you.

Also something interesting that you said he said, he doesn't want to use you his crutch... He may know that being with you does make him feel better/forget; but he may realize that he has to feel/go thru whats happening in order to get past it.

MHO, for whatever its worth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 9:21pm
ty. i went through my messanger and typed out word for word what he said to me. i can't get past this depression and pain. somedays are better then others, but the nights i want to die.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 6:49am

he sent me this email last night.

'm taking it one day at a time. I was upset with you when you didn't respond to me when I messaged you but, I understand you; it's ok. I'm sorry for the way you have been feeling. I hope your doing much better. I think of you often and your very missed. We both have issues to clear up in our lives. Lets get them cleared up and then see where things go. Please take this time apart to work on yourself and I'll be doing the same. I may head South soon for a couple of weeks to see my boys.

i was ok with the email even though it hurt. what hurt very bad was when i imd him to ask about what message that i never recived and he would not answer me. i called him and he would not answer the phone. i fell asleep crying, then emailed him later and told him that i miss him and love him and i wish he would talk to me.

the pain is so overwheling from him not talking to me. i understand but it hurts so bad.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:49pm

Moon,

Going to be blunt here... you have to back off a bit. I know you are hurting, but if you keep chasing when he's asking for space you will push him away.

His e-mail sounds like he was refering to you "not getting the message" about giving him some space.

It hurts that you feel excluded from what he is going through, but in MHO I think if you can't give him this time he's asking for it could hurt your relationship.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. All the best.