Need advice - very confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Need advice - very confused
2
Thu, 05-14-2009 - 9:59pm

For those who don't know my story, I've been in an A going on 10 months now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 5:02pm

Hi Miss Bennett-


I feel compelled to reply to your post because I can so relate to exactly where you are coming from.


I've been in my affair for

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 8:50pm

I also feel compelled to respond...


Wow...You hit a nerve with me-that's for sure!


Previously, I was in 2 brief affairs (1 for 3 mos. 1 for 5 mos.) -however...although I cared for these MM's-They both had small children at home...I made my resolve to NEVER let anything get out of hand, emotionally speaking. With my 2nd A--that got kind of difficult when he declared his love for me.-Then, just as quickly got "confused" (his words). But even though that was heartbreaking, I still never saw he & I as a regular relationship.


With the A I am in now (almost 9 mos. now) it is utterly, completely different. I am deeply IN Love with him...and he with me. We are both on even ground...both married, no small children, & both unsure how it will ever be possible to leave our M's without losing near everything.


Although I am planning to leave mine in the future (after settling financial issues) it will still take time--years. He on the other hand has asked his W to leave...she refuses. She has no job or family & lives a relatively comfortable lifestyle...Why Should she Leave, willingly? He would lose so much in a divorce that she doesn't amicably agree to. At this point, we are so even in our lives, it would be wrong of me to ask him to take that leap, a couple years before I am.


BUT...What of the future? I don't know. You pose an interesting dilema. I can't imagine the severe heartache I would go thru in ending my relationship with him, if/when one day our situations become uneven. But I know myself...i couldn't live like that.


If your A is worth staying in...there needs to be communication between the 2 of you. You need to tell him how you are feeling. Your fears, etc. Of course he wouldn't want to end it if possible...he is getting what he wants. But if getting what you want is no longer beneficial or causing you heartache...well...


I'm sorry...I know this is probably of no help whatsoever...I keep trying to put myself in your shoes...& I honestly don't know what I'd do! Serious soul-searching is in order...that much is clear...but only you can do that.


I wish you luck....