Need advice....Am I being childish.....
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| Thu, 04-23-2009 - 7:44pm |
AP and I have been together over a year now, he is away on a business trip and we haven't spoke in a week. Unusual for us. He sent me an email and a text telling me he loves me and misses me, but no phone call. In my view, how can you claim to miss me and love me and make no attempt to contact? I know the "regular rules" don't always apply to an A, but its really pissing me off because I feel if he really meant it he would want to talk to me. Especially tonite I thought he would call, because he knows H is always out on a Thursday, (usually when we see other)so, he knows for a fact he is not around and could contact me if he really wanted to.
I am thinking about blowing him off when he does call, (not answering.) I sometimes get so tired of always being available whenever he wants, and maybe he needs to be taught a lesson.
Am I being childish/selfish/needy? Should I mention to him how I feel when we do speak?
Thanks!

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
i know how you feel...my AP has been out of state for a week...he has one more week to go before he comes back.
Let me start by saying I understand where you are coming from not hearing from our AP can be very disappointing. However, I feel that yes, you are being selfish and needy.
I know when we don't hear from our AP's we start to doubt and wonder where our place in there life is. We think that they should be pining away for us as we are them, but a person's gotta work!
Thanks all for your input. I agree, I am being a bit needy and over emotional. Both out of character for me. He did call me yesterday and we spoke briefly, he seemed busy with work. The conversation was kinda strange...he said he sensed something was up with me while he was away, and did anything happen and thought I was going to break up with him this week. He is a very intuitive person, and often picks up when something is going on and I wont discuss it. (which is quite often) I just laughed it off, not wanting a confrontation or to make a big deal of him not calling, guessing I was just being over emotional.
Then he says this...."I would like to see you over the weekend, but I guess I should spend time with my family since I have been away huh?" Of course I said yes, you should spend time with your family, knowing the reality that I come last. (Another thing that is out of character for me)And he follows with "If we dont see each other over the weekend, then we will the beginning of next week." So, if you are saying/asking about not seeing each other over the weekend, why say it like that? Like "if we dont see each other", knowing full well that he wont. I feel like he's playing some sort of game. The whole statement doesn't sound quite right.
I also felt that by him asking about spending time with his family was a passive aggressive attempt to see of it was OK for him not to see me. Sorta like "ask my permission" for lack of a better description. I don't know, it just didn't sit right with me.
I agree with not playing games, and I never do, its not who I am. I do consider it sometimes, but never follow through, knowing that it is immature. I do however, like right now, feel very overwhelmed emotionally and feel like taking a break from the whole thing and telling him so.
Any input on this conversation would be appreciated!
of course playing games is not the way to be...in my situation...sometimes, i don't know how to act.
Sorry love, when you start this type of thing, you sacrifice your rights to constant contact, consistency or any of the things that go with the safety of 9-5 relationships.
That's the tradeoff of these things. You're only no 1 for the few moments you have together.
Hi Heaven,
My thoughts...Yes of course you're selfish-you wouldn't be in an A in the 1st place!-Usually an A isn't about our spouses-its about US! So having an A to begin with is a selfish act (IMO, at least).
As for being needy-well, when there is a strong connection with AP-we are needy, & expect them to be also, at least in our direction & for our attention. I know I feel abandoned too when me & my AP don't talk or communicate-but no more than 2 days has EVER gone by without us speaking/emailing/texting. -Sometimes-in his high-pressured job, he just passes out at the end of the day-but he had full intention of speaking with me. The same has happened with me.
Childishness would come into play if you had a fit or started to play games with his head because of this or any reason.
Bottom line-communication is the answer. Definately let him know you missed him & was concerned when you didn't hear from him. Remind him that because of the sensitivity of your relationship that the only one that could give the other info about what is happening is the partner (AP). He would then be able to explain to you what happened or what kept him. Chances are you'll then hear about how he was constantly busy-no time for or to himself.-Unfortunately-no matter how much they-or us-want to make The affair a priority, appearances have to be kept up in the "real" world.
Hope that helped!
(Oh! BTW--thank you so much for your reply to my post "Question-Serial "cheaters"". It was right on for me & great thoughts on a practically unanswerable question. & I also posted my little story on that thread, under your answer.)
Best Wishes-& Hugs back!
Starsong