need confirmation? validation? IDK

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
need confirmation? validation? IDK
8
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 2:55am
Hi all. I have been lurking for some time and need some input here. Sorry this is so long, but I am a little confused over a conversation with AP today, or maybe I'm not and just need confirmation of what I am fairly confident he said? Yes, I overanalyze every minute detail of my every day life, too. Some background: been friends for almost 4 years now, had lunch here and there, a couple kisses, a few drinks, with him persuing and me turning down (repeatedly). This summer it went intimate, to the point of no return. He had to go out of town for work for a week and I invited myself up to see him one of the nights he was out of town. We had a great time and that's where it all started.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 8:21am

And you need validation/confirmation with....? Just listen to what he writes to you. I like his style of communication: short, to the point and seems sincere. I do not like when people use big words and sentences just to sugar coat things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 9:03am

Boooo


Thank you for your insight. I have never termed myself to him before as his "life distraction" or his "midlife crisis"; that was the first time. I also don't know what I'm looking for here as far as answers (if there are any). What he and I are doing is wrong, and we both know this; but, I think he is saying he loves me w/o actually using the word? I don't know and I don't want to assume.


Yes, AP is a very thoughtful and caring person. In the *A* world...I got lucky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 1:52pm

Wow. It's such a head trip for me to see someone else is in the same boat as I am. It's so much more murky when AP is also a friend, isn't it?


Judging by the words he's using, he's just as deep into the fog as you are. He does have a nice way of communicating.


It sounds like you're both on the same wavelength in that neither of you wants to change what you have at home, that what's between you is just something special and fun on the side. I think the biggest risk is if someone starts to want more, especially if that coincides with the other person wanting to cool things off.


Have you given any thought to how you could possibly salvage a friendship, to take all those steps backward from where you are now?


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 4:31pm
I don't (at this time) want to take any steps back. I am into this too deeply, and I will deal with things as they come. I have not even thought about how I could salvage the friendship at this point. I am really confused right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 6:09pm
It was actually Neil Young's lyrics.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 8:57pm

I hate to be a party pooper, but it seems to me that your guy is much more careful with his choice fo words then you. You mentioned weekends are miserable because you can't talk to him, and he did not really acknowledged that. I hate to say it, but like most of us women, you are losing your head in A and falling for him, when he sees it for what it is - a little fun on a side. This is not to say he does not like you - he obviously does, but I don't think he feels the same way as you do.

(((Hugs)))
Vivacious

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 3:55am
Yes, he corrected me on the lyrics...just happens to be that I am a tad bit younger than he
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:02am

I'm not falling for him.


He is the one that stated "we are dancing around it...i don't know who feels it stronger....like we are daring the other to say it first". When he said those words, I viewed "it" as a metaphor for the L-bomb. I never brought that up first. I said something akin to "I can't put to words how I feel, its either understated or grossly overstated".


I think we are both equally confused, not wanting to say anything we are going to regret, mindful of each other's feelings. Maybe I am wrong.