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| Sun, 06-28-2009 - 4:00pm |
Hi,
I had had feelings for years for a guy that works in our company but works in another country for the other office. He's 40 and I am 31 and we have known each other for years. I still really care for him, but he is working out of our European office. How do i get over this?
Edited 7/2/2009 6:09 am ET by saunders1802

MHO is that you need to just respect his choice in this. Sure, he's saying what he thinks is right. He's saying he can't have an affair with you or anyone else. The fact that he didn't follow through to a sexual relationship proves that he doesn't do this all the time, probably never before, like he said. and to me, it also proves that how he feels about you is pure and true. But, he's married and he knows his wife deserves better. And he knows you deserve better, and so does he. This is just my opinion, having been down this painful road before you. Either fix what's wrong in your marriage, or get out. If his marriage is rocky, he needs to make the same choice. I know it sucks, I know this guy has a nice, firm grip on your heart. But you do have to choose. He is going home now. Maybe he'll call you Tuesday, maybe he won't. I think it's reasonable for you tell him that your relationship needs to return to a strictly professional status because you have to work together. I would also tell him that because your feelings are very, very strong, you need to not have contact with him outside of business, so you have time to really process what happened, what almost happened, how you feel, all that. Sorry. I think you really would have regretted sleeping with him the other night, and it would make this break a lot harder.
Having said all that, I also know it's a lot easier to say than it is to live with it.
Thanks, you are right.
Edited 7/2/2009 6:10 am ET by saunders1802
Are things so bad at home that you are so upset over this? Right now I'm going through a break up with my AP after 3 years. We are both married and she said it's my family or her. Your person may be a wonderful person with lots of potential but it seems that you 2 didn't invest enough into the relationship to warrant your level of rejection. The guy doesn't want to cheat on his wife, even though it really sounds like he wants to sleep with you. I wish I were that sort of man. There are lot more me's out there than him. Although my mistake has been limited to only one person in 13 years of being together. But that's one too many.
Step back from your situation. It's insulting to your husband and child to pine away for another. That's what gives me strength. Go home do a family hug and know with certainty that starting up with this person is a bad idea. Especially that he's married and lives in another country.
Be happy with your current situation. There are tons of attractive men out there if you want an affair, don't try to mess up his life too.
I remember your first post about him, so I'm familiar with your story, and, honestly saunders,