NEED HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
NEED HELP!!!
10
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 10:57pm
Hello everyone!

I really need your comments or suggestions, I am confused and don’t know how to handle the situation I’m presently into.I’m 33, married with 1 kid and having an A with also a married man, 37 with 2 kids.The very first time I saw him, and that was 3 years ago, I already got physically attracted to him. He tried to make a move but I never entertained him coz I was afraid of what might happen. Until my family had to move to another city and we never saw each other again. Now, 2 months ago, we bumped with each other again, I cant believe myself, I cant believe why after 3 years, I still am physically attracted to him, he asked for my mobile number which I immediately gave and he started sending me text messages. I finally replied! I don’t know what had gotten into me, but suddenly I’m not afraid anymore, I just like the guy, and was so flattered that after 3 years, even though I don’t look that attractive anymore,HE STILL LIKES ME!!!

AND SO THE A STARTED, but we never went out, we just send each other sweet messages, almost everyday, I was asking him if we can eat out for lunch or just spend some time with each other so we would be able to know each other well, but all he has to say is “it’s too dangerous, we are both married, and what if somebody sees us?” And as the days pass by, his sweet messages suddenly turns into “SEX” MESSAGES. Like, I want to kiss every part of your body, I want to touch you all over, I want to make love to you and so on… The only place that he kept on suggesting that we go is in a hotel, he said it : “so that I can make love to you, so that I can touch every part of your body!” I started to feel that all he wants from me is SEX!!! I confronted him about this, and his explanation was acceptable, so I thought so, he said he just wanted to show me how much he loves me, he never talks about sex to other girls except with his wife, and if the “sex” messages irritates me then he’d never do that again. But nothing really changed, he still kept on insisting that we go in a hotel, he still send me “sex” messages. And there were a couple of times when after talking dirty to me through text messages, he would suddenly arrange a meeting, he’d park his car somewhere “safe” and he would never stop kissing me so passionately and acted as if he wanted so much to make love to me. Although I never hesitated to his kiss, because I admit that I really liked it, it really felt so good and the idea of him wanting very badly to make love to me makes me feel like in heaven. Imagine, I’ve gone quite fat, I don’t look that attractive anymore and my tummy’s are already bulging, and here he is begging for me to make love to him! Anyway, what irritates me the most is, after kissing me, after lets say he has already done what he came for, he would immediately want me to get out of the car and leave! No sweet talk, no I love u, nothing at all, just leave the car! I don’t feel any love on his part, just lust! Got it?

NOW COMES THE TRICKY PART!!! I finally went out with him in a hotel, he was so passionate, he has already done all his “sex” messages to me, both naked, we were just about to do it, when suddenly he backed off!!!! GOSH!!! He backed off!!! He said “I’m so sorry, I thought I can do it, but I just can’t. I love you, I wanted so much to make love to you, but I feel so guilty, guilty to your H and your kid, guilty to my W and 2 kids”. He kept on hugging me, and whispering that he loves me so much. For the very first time, I really felt that he loves me!… You see, we both have no problems with our respective marriages, this is my first A, this is also his first A. We both don’t know why we are doing this… And so… nothing happened, except from him kissing me all over, I mean ALL OVER!!!

NOW HEAR THIS! After that incident, he seldom send me text messages anymore. He would just text me only after I send him one. He said he was just quite busy with his work. Although he still send me love messages once in awhile, he would just continue texting me and would never stop only if the topic was about SEX! I asked him if we can eat out for lunch but his answer was just like before, too dangerous! But 2 days ago when I told him that I also wanted to kiss him all over he immediately met with me at the parking area, and wanted me to kiss him all over. He pleaded for me to BJ him… and I obliged. Know what the worst part is? After he came, he immediately sent me away, “go leave the car now, somebody might see us”… No I love you, no I miss you, not even a sweet kiss… I felt so bad!!! I felt like a bitch, a prostitute!!! He texted me after an hour and said that he was sorry but he had some errands to do that day that’s why we had to part ways so quickly. I told him you just met with me so I can BJ you, and after that, you just sent me away, you did not ask me to leave, YOU SENT ME AWAY!!! He said that I was wrong with what I think, he is just being cautious coz somebody might see us.

2 days had passed since then, he sent me 1 message asking how I was, but I never answered him back. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!! But I don’t know if its right to still continue this A. I don’t know if he really loves me, I don’t know if he’s just playing games with me, I really don’t know what to do.

HAZEL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 9:19am

(((((Hazel))))


Whether he's meaning to deceive you or not, I think he's got a lot of conflicting emotions going on. It sounds like, no matter what he says, he does see you as a sexual object primarily. Maybe he feels bad about that;

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 9:32am
HI Hazel

Sounds more like LUST not love at all, he also sound rather like a weirdo.

You all ready seem to have low selfesteem and he is just pushing it down.

Its up to you what you do but is this thing worth the grief?

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 9:48am
hi hazel and welcome to the board. girl, that man wants you for BJs and nothing more!! AND you don't even get anything in return, do you? MM is using you and you're letting him. get away from him, don't text him, don't call him or return his calls, and DEFINITELY DO NOT MEET MM AGAIN! if for some reason, he actually gets through to you, just tell him if he wants to see you, he'd better have $50 for that BJ since he's treating you like a prostitute!!

he's bad news, hazel! i know you love the attention and obviously MM's attention makes you feel good about your body, but he's not even having sex with you. you're really not getting ANY benefit from this R. if you continue seeing this guy, he'll keep stepping all over your self-respect and dignity!

run for it!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 12:12pm
OH gurl, I love it $50! Thats a good one.

There have been times that I have gladly give a bj, but if MM told me to get out of the car and leave and didnt hold me,kiss me and tell me it was the best damn bj he'd ever gotten, there would have been heck to pay!!

(I haent seen MM in almost two weeks)

I know Gurl will shake me up it I get too far out of line!!

dayz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 3:56pm
dayz, why haven't you seen your MM? and you're so right, there had better be a ton of appreciation after any BJ, or it's the last time he gets one from me!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:19pm
That's a good question Why havent I seen MM!

I havent been able to get away from work in a few weeks. He called today and said...

"how about Thursday night"... We havent had a Thurday night in a long time...

He was thinking a long walk by the lake order some take out... I'm thinking I need some of you!!!

You know he never turns down sex, but he never seems to just expect it!!

I even said the last time "I dont want to pressure you or anything, but do you want to make out" He just laughs... Oh my I love that man!

dayz
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
In reply to: hazel2004
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 11:39pm
Thanks for all of your advise.

I am trying my very best to forget the guy and just go on with my life.

But the thought of him USING ME makes it harder for me to let go. I don't know, I just don't get it. Why of all people would he choose me to feed all his sexual fantasies? I guess thats what kept me hanging on... fooling myself that sex is not his only main purpose...As I've said, I am not that beautiful, not sexy, and I am married, WHY ME? Well... I brought that issue with him before and his answer was "I can easily get someone younger, sexier, and very much single. But I like you.. I love you, and I dont care if youre not sexy... all I want is you."

DAMN IT!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 1:46am
Hazel what makes you think he has not done this to other women before you, Don't believe a word he says(married women are considered safer you will not go to his wife with out risking your M).


Take care of you Hazel find out way you did what you did stop worrying about him.


FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
In reply to: hazel2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 2:08am
Hi free!

Maybe the reason why I believed him is... I'M JUST A DAMN FOOL!!! (lol)

Thanks,thanks,thanks!!!

Well, he's been sending me messages lately, asking how i was, wondering why I havnt responded to his messages, asking me whats wrong, and telling me how much he misses me and loves me...UGH!!! God how I hate when he does that!!!!

I'm not responding though, coz I dont wanna be FOOOLED again. He sure knows how to play tricks on me. But I donno how long I can stand his sweet talking stuffs.

GOD HELP ME!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: hazel2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 8:29am
HI Hazel

Hazel your not a fool, It seems to me there is just something missing in life that your trying to replace and you just allowed this jerk to take advantage of it.

Don't allow this turkey to use you again your better then that, you know were he is comeing from.

You said that he hit on you 3 years ago then again when you met the next time, I think you should remember that in those 3 years he has probbley been doing this to other women to, most I expect get sick of him pretty quick no nobody likes to be treated like trash.

I he won't bug off try messageing back and ask him if he would like his wife to find out about you (no don'T really call her)if he calls you again.


FREE