need help H found out
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need help H found out
| Wed, 03-24-2004 - 1:29pm |
H found out and Now I don't get the chance to see om. H wants to drive me anywhere I go.. Work tanning etc.... Any ideas on getting me out of the house without supervision???
Cray isn't it?
Cray isn't it?

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My H is not controlling. I do what I want, when I want. He is also away from the house a lot due to his current job situation - when I'm home, he's working and when I'm working, he's home sleeping (he drives transport). But, I have to tell you, if he ever started with the driving me everywhere or wanting to know everywhere I go, or even preventing me from doing so - that would be it for me!
I guess I'm just so used to having the freedom - sometimes I actually feel single - and I have even joked that I'm living a single life without the perks of being single (a little white lie - okay a big one LOL)
Just my perspective!
Red
My counselour said this is stalking? Have a hard time with that since he is my H
You are basically a captive...
Has this man ever been violent?
If so, you need to look into a women't shelter in your area NOW!
If he's this irrational, I would imagine you can't talk to him...but try...
Be careful though!
(((((((((((((breezy))))))))))))))))
It is not stalking it is suspician and sense he is right you don't have any real cause for complaint.
Sense you are not commited to your marriage way don't you tell you husband you want out and just leave, what's the point of putting you both through all the drama when you really just don't care.
I want to point out that not all men would go to those extremes-driving wife everywhere controlling her every move- over an A, not if he wants to work it out. in effect all he is doing is pushing her farther away.
this type of man is a control freak, i know i am also married to one of those. you can tell someone to just leave their marriage if they are not happy, but its not always that easy. we cant know all of the details because we are all different.
from everything i have read on here the past few months most women and men also feel something is missing from the M which is why they let themselves get sucked into an A, but that does not mean they are not committed to the spouse, maybe they have been the only one committed to making it work in the past, but got tired of trying all alone.
i usually agree with alot of the things you say, but i think this time you were a little harsh without knowing all the facts. this is just the opinion ofa wife who has been in a situation with a controlling husband
Seeburg
Harsh maybe, but let me make a couple of points for you to consider.
When the person you love hurts you deeply your going to get of kilter, you may suffer parionia as seems to be his case, but his is justified by the fact that she is seeking a way to continue cheating on him so the question is is he still parinod or does he just know that it's not over, I lurk at others boards were women have caught there husbands cheating and many of them seem to get the same way as this Guy, perhaps going a little crazy should be expected.
How do you know this man was controling BEFORE finding out that his wife is cheating on him and it is not a result of the affair, given time to recover he will most likely level out.
Sucked into a affair, Well most people that are in Affairs tend to have less then perfect Marriages to be sure, I believe that that TERM or way of thinking is just an attempt sidestep responsability for are decisions, you may have noticed that now a days nothing we do is are responsability any more it's always somebody elses fault, No both you, I and the origional poster made decisions to do what we have done, if things work out well then we have no problem takeing the credit, so we should be prepared to shoulder are share of the blame to when they go south on us.
I think if your commited to the spouse you stop the Affair when found out, you will never get a better oportunity to fix the marriage then when your spouse has recieved a real wake up call like finding out about a affair, after all can anybody at that point really deny how bad things have got in the Marriage.
When caught it is get in time or get out time if your spouse refuses to work with you after all this I would say it is time to get out and if you won't or can't stop cheating it's time to get out for the sake of all concerned.
JMHO
F
And that's when it began to get ugly. I tried to explain to him that it's not a sexual affair. Even though we did one time. I didn't tell him that. Didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already did. It's totally an emotional affair. Which can sometimes be more hurtful.
I just want to add that I've tried for years to get our marraige on the right track. Wanted him to go to marraige consouling with me and he never wanted to do anything to help this marraige. He's been controlling our entire realtionship, Just never realized it until the last 6 months or so. And I feel that I've put every effort into making things work. I never in a million years would see myself in this situation (A) that is.
I just think that I got tired of the same ole same ole controlling behavior. And I know that I should leave and believe me I want too. I've told him that. But he keeps sucking me in with the guilt trips and what not. And it works for a day or two and then I fall back into reality. This isn't going to work. Don't you think that at some point there is just no-way things can be good? IT's just very scary for me to leave. If he's acting the way he is now, I feel that it's only going to get worse once I leave with our daughter.
He's already threatend to hurt himself and the om. And his stalking behavior makes me feel like I could be on his list too. Just buying time to figure out what the next step is..
Thank you to everyone for your input it really does help. And at a time like this I don't have anyone else to talk too. So, once again thanks all for being here and helping me figure stuff out. Other peoples input really helps! :-)
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