Need help & support...hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Need help & support...hurting
25
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:48pm

Hi...I'm new here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 6:12am

Yes, he is messed up mentally, no this is not normal-- though I will say (from more experience than I should have) that married men have a tendency to go hot then cold then hot again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:27am

I also think that he's screwed up to be raw. And there's no point in your trying to analyze him. Don't take it personally, it's not you, it's him. Maybe it's just a lie, he feels guilty and needs to find an excuse.

Reminders of each other on builboards are cute, but as you see it's not an indication of your connection. It's just a coincidence.

I'm starting to come to the conclusion that married men who cheat are screwed up (oh the big revelation). I'm also in an A with a married who claims to love me, but when asked, he can't even explain why. He thinks love just falls on you and there's nothing you can do about it. So he no longer feels that for his wife, wants me to continue with him but doesn't want to do anything about it. So all this connection and love are in reality just confusion.

I would say take this as a life lesson and move on. And I should follow my own advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 11:25am

Ginger,
He has issues (don't we all) but he still doesn't appear to be over the break up from the woman he was with for 6 years. That still affects him so thats baggage he's carrying around that you don't need. The whole 0% crap he's feeding you sounds like BS, but that's just me. You want a partner that can add to your life, not drain you & have you questioning what you did wrong. You haven't done anything and he needs to do alot of soul searching.

By the way what man leaves a woman that he has such a "connection" with alone in a hotel room crying in the bed and just walks out not caring about her feelings??? Really, who does that?

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 3:15pm

Thanks to each of you for your input and support. It brings me to tears because you are such a vital support system for me.

I am relieved that so many of you feel that he has issues. Although I see that as well, I can't deny that his 0% reaction to a sexual encounter with me is eating me up. Whether this is true or not, I feel so rejected by the way he described it. He sounded so sincere; like it's a barometer that has never let him down. Why would his barometer tell him to run from someone whom he can't stay away from (his words) and from someone with whom he has a soulmate-level connection (his words). I feel like a piece of garbage that he discarded.

It's all so painful that it's difficult to function. Between missing our talks and feeling so rejected over his 0% description, I'm having a difficult day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 3:20pm
Dear Purple,

You hit on one area that's the sole reason for any strength that I have to go NC. The way he walked out on me crying in my bed was shocking. I couldn't believe it. I've never been treated so poorly.

I use this horrible feeling as strength to get me through my feelings of rejection and my moments of missing our talks and texting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 3:40pm

One thing that occurred to me...do you think the reason that he had a 0% reaction to our first sexual encounter (when I gave him oral) was because he climaxed in 1 or 2 minutes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:07pm
Please know that you didn't do anything wrong. I think he has alot of insecure issues within himself and perhaps feels he can't perform up to your standards so he belittles the act so you don't have high expectations. Again I'm only speculating but only he knows the truth. Just know that it has nothing to do with you and you don't ever deserve to be treated in such a way. Its like he's taking out on you all his shortcomings, no pun intended ;).

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:19pm

Thank you, Rayne.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:23pm
Yes always remember your worth and that you are a strong, beautiful, idenpendent, successful woman who does not need him or any1 else make her feel otherwise.

I agree with you that 0%/100% nonsense is for manipulation purposes only and it is very cruel & degrading. I'm glad you are remaining strong and may you continue on your road to healing.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:24pm
Your shortcomings comment made me smile and laugh!:)

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