Need a hug . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Need a hug . .
6
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:21am

Quick background - I'm MW having affair with MM coworker since Nov 08. We've know each other for 6 years and just this past year fallen in love. We discussed leaving our M's for each other. He neglected to delete a text from me in March which indicated that we were more than coworkers. He has denied the affair steadfastly for weeks.

here is my update.

He called me at work yesterday morning to say it had been another hellish weekend of his W begging him to tell her if we'd had an affair and telling him she couldn't live without him.

I asked if we would still be getting together for lunch to talk as I had a half day - he said No - I said why not? - and he said because I can't do this anymore. They had a weekend MC session during which He denied the PA - as he has all along (to protect me from retaliation) but admitted that we had become good friends. He promised his W not to have any contact with me outside of work. He says his feelings for me haven't changed but he had to make a decision - his life at home was unbearable.

He wanted to come in to see me - instead we met when I left work for 20 minutes of "i love you - I feel like I've lost my best friend - no I still want us to be friends - I still want to learn about you and have our relationship grow". Yeah, right. We hugged and he went back to work.

I spent the afternoon crying, numbly driving around until I could get in to see my therapist for an hour. She is trying to get me to see the positive - the W could have called my house and told my H. She pointed out do I really want to risk what I have now for a man who can veer from one emotion to another. I do believe he loves me - but she pointed out the that the pressure from W's breakdown and caring about the role model he set for his adult daughter and how he felt about himself just came at him from all angles.

The worst part was coming home to my family - acting like I am fine. I think I will call in sick today - because he will be there a half day and I am afraid I will cry every time I see him. I used to slip into his office and hug him from behind with a kiss every morning. He'll still be there weds, and thurs, and friday. How can I get through this? I'm crying now. I used to love my job - I was finally achieving success and he and I make/made an awesome sales team.

But I just can't lift my head. The air seems really thick and I really don't care about anything anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
In reply to: songs41
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 6:12am

i'm so sorry. here is your hug. {{ }}

if you can manage a sick day, do it. if you can manage your therapist, do it. if you can drive or go to a movie or take a walk, do it. if you can think of a reason to tell people you are sad, do it.

you just lost your best friend. and no matter how many times someone tells you "shoulda known better" and "made your own bed" - it hurts.

that's why MAS is here.
Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
In reply to: songs41
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 10:03am

hi, just to send lots of hugs your way. Im really sorry for what your going through, and can only but imagine the heartache. At this moment in time you probably cant even think 2 days ahead let alone a week, month , year. So all i can say is take it a day at a time. Like Mrs said do what you beleive you need to do. I understand you are in a dark cloud right now, but after time and it rains the cloud gets lighter and soon it will become a fluffy white again. I realise you wont be able to see or feel that right now, but what im basically saying is if you need to cry then cry, if you need time for yourself, try and make time. Not easy with a family around who dont know what true emotionaly upset your going through i understand.


take care of yourself and come here and ofload your heart and mind to all the wonderfull people here that are willing to help you through.


hugs


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
In reply to: songs41
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 10:14am

I really feel your pain!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: songs41
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 11:17pm
Songs... I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I'm so sorry about how you are feeling and what is going on.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
In reply to: songs41
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:53am

I am feeling a little better today - going back to work - where I will see him. He sent me a text and an email yesterday asking how I was and asking me to call him at work. I didn't. Kind of felt good to know he is now wondering how I am, after so many weekends lately where I didn't know what was happening at home for him.

I just have to get to the end of the day without crying at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: songs41
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 12:01am

Songs...I'm happy to hear your feeling a little better.

maystone