need input!! kind of long

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
need input!! kind of long
2
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:20am
hi everyone ! i am new to this part of the board so please bare with me . i am going to tell my story and i need input on what you think and where it is going and please be brutally honest! about 8 1/2 months ago my boyfriend who is both physically and verbally abusive , not to mention was a drug addict , was sentenced to jail on a probation violation for 23 months . needless to say i was very upset , having 3 children (2 which are his ) owning a home and a car and alot of bills to pay. a friend of his and his girlfriend used to live next door to us with her 3 kids (STRESS HER.) he called one night, i explained the situation and he asked if i minded if he stopped by to visit . of course i did not care since we've all known him for about 3 1/2 years . anyway to make a long story sort , i am still seeing this om till this day . i just seen him last night. it wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that i discovered this man was more serious about me than i believed, i mean he did tell me months ago he has fallen in love with me but i had written him a letter giving him an option , i told him i could no longer play second best that my feelings were too strong and it would be better for him to leave me alone altogether if he wanted to still be with his girlfriend . his reply was he is going to get his s**t straight so we can be together ( get a good job, his own place,) he also has this thing about saying what kind of man would he be if he left the kids(now remember her kids) and they found out that he left their mom to be with their former next door neighbor , and why would he make me leave someone that has nothing to be with someone who has nothing . the thing is I DO NOT CARE that he has nothing! i just am soo in love with him it is ridiculous . my girlfriend says he is a liar and he is only using me , that if he wanted to leave her he would have because he knows how i feel about him . in a way i believe her but why would he have told HIS friends that he was going to leave his girl to be with me??? i am so confused ... i seen him last night and he kind of gave me a funny feeling like he did not want to bother with me . i need advice -- i keep my boyfriend kind of like on the back burner in case om does not leave his girl -- i need help and input please !!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:34am
First of all I would worry about yourself and your kids before anyone else!!! Your boyfriend obviously can't help you in jail. Please do not stay with him only if the om doesn't leave his girlfriend, espicially if you no longer love him. It may hard to get on with your life without a man, but many women do it and so can you. You never want to make such an important decision about your life and the only thing it depends on is what the om decides. Tell him he either leaves her for you or he leaves you alone, if he won't leave her, he wasn't going to so you need to get him totally out of your life. That means no letters, no phone calls, no coming over becuz you're lonely, once you let him in again you won't be able to let go. Just think hard about what you really and what you really need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:10am
Here is what jumps out at me... Your keeping bf on the back burner in case OM doesn’t chose you? Are you crazy you said and I quote "my boyfriend who is both physically and verbally abusive, not to mention was a drug addict". You stay the Hell away from bf in fact you stop calling him you bf! You look for a Real Man, and I mean one that treats you like a woman! Your kids seen bf treat you this way and if you go back to him they will accept this as normal behavior! I'm sorry for the way this sounds but you have to stay away from bf!!

Ok now for the OM, I would give him a choice and be prepared to stick with it. If he chooses to say with gf, then you cut him off! YOUR SINGLE, MOVE on.

If he decides to leave, what he has does not matter. My H and I are very well off, MM is not, and I know that life with MM will be a finical challenge, but I don’t care. My life does not revolve around money! I want some happiness in my life, and MM give me that. Not his bank account.

I need some coffee bad!!

dayz