Need to know what he feels!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Need to know what he feels!
1
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 4:20pm
Hello, Here's the problem:

There's this guy i've known for quite a while now. For months, people around us had been assuming that we're more than just friends. We always denied our feelings towards each other(even though we secretly did see a potential in us 'working', but more on that later), until something went terribly wrong in his relationship. His partner of quite a few years had been having an affair for several months.

Partially because of this, he decided also to confess that he has quite strong feelings for me too, almost from the day we met, but the reason why he never mentioned was because he still had stronger feelings for her and felt no need to hurt us both by starting an affair and so also risking losing both partner and friend. I found this one of the best things a man'd ever said, and, knowing him, i know that he meant every single word.

But now comes the hard part. Yes, of course i've had exactly the same feelings for him too, and yes, the reason why i never tried to seduce him or talk him out of his relationship is because i would never ever want to break up any relationship, it's wrong. Now however, now that his partner has done exactly what he chose NOT to do because of her, he's got quite a dilemma. He says that-even though her story changes almost literally every day, he will try to forgive. BUT, since this all has happened, SHE has become jealous of me(afraid that he'd do the same?), and he, whether or not they're having a good or bad day, continues to express his feelings to me and always still keeping an open mind about something still going wrong, and him ending up with me.

I know myself very well, and know i will not force him into choosing anything other than what he's chosen to do, i will not encourage him to part ways with his current partner, nor will i try to get him to have an affair with me because she had one too, that would just be childish. But what i really want to know is: is HE doing the right thing, staying with someone who's done the one thing to him which he'd never do to her, and, as he continues to flirt with me, is he just to keep peace in his home for the sake feeling çomfortable' at home? I really need to hear someone else's opinion, to keep myself believing i should keep my distance (or perhaps even increasing the distance!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 5:30pm
HI I suggest that you step back tell he settles his relationship one way or another

you are not the other woman type and could end up with your heart ripped out.

HANG ON TO YOUR SELF RESPECT YOU HAVE EARNED IT

a male option