need objective views

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
need objective views
4
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:56am
Ladies,

What do you all think abt this?

I am in my first and last EMA. He is one of only two people that I have ever been with sexually. My husband is the other. He is married as well He was an old boyfried from high school (~15 years ago.) He contacted me at a time when I was having horrible marriage problems. We live several hours away from each other but spoke and emailed each other daily before finally meeting. We met. I was a nervous wreck. The sex was ok but I enjoyed being with him. For about a 4 days we contnued to talk daily then he just stops calling for a week. Of course, I freak out and leave him a message and tell him never to contact me again. Then, a week later he starts to leaving me a "messages." He wouldn't say anything. Just left a message so that my cell phone voicemail logged it as a call from him. This continues for 8 weeks. I call him but he never calls me back. Only leaves these silly messages once or twice a week messages that announce his name or sometime play some love song. I know it sounds CRAZY!. Then, I finally tell him that if he doesn't stop the nonsense and talk 2 me I am changing my number. We finally talk. He explains that after we met the 1st time, he felt guilty, spent all day thinking about me and neglecting things that he should have been doing. Hw wouldn't say what "things" exactly but his wife doesn't work and they have 4 kids. So he thought it was best to discontinue contact. I could understand the no contact (I thought he could have told me that but, maybe that was too hard) but I said then why the "messages." He didn't want me to forget about him. So in that way he thought I would not be able to forget. Said he wouldn't behave that was again. Anyway......Much better sex this time with no disappearing act later. (Again, I was still somewhat nervous). I had to do alot of lying to be apart from my husband. Afterwards, we went back to regular communication pretty much every day or every other day (sometimes for hours at a time). Now, this EMA has been going on for abt 8 and 1/2 months. Well, we were to meet this weekend. I am finally not nervous. He text messaged me that he couldn't make it. Something about his wife .....

Now, I haven't heard from him since Sat. I called and left a message on Monday but no word from him. I do care for him alot. However, more than anything, I think I finally feel ready to let loose sexually!!! I was REALLY looking forward to the sex. Sex has even been better with my husband. His ignoring me again does hurt. I am angry about that. Obviously, I know that I am not 1st (or even 2nd) in his life but I did feel that I was important.

Do you all think that his actions indicate otherwise? Or, am I over-reacting. I sound stupid to myself even as I write this. I am in the EMA because it felt good. However, this doesn't feel good. Does it sound like guilt? Or, is he just plain old rude.



I suspect that I will hear form him in a week or so. I am trying to decide how to respond when I hear from im again.





iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 3:21am
You need to blow this guy off. If he does not have enough respect for you and your emotions to keep doing this disappearing act on you then he is not worthy of you and your love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 8:48am
hey luv, i'm gonna have to agree here with wingz. your MM is a grown-up for god's sake and he could at least call you to honestly discuss his, i was going to say, feelings, but obviously he can't do that. if he cared for you even a little bit - i'd say you're at least 9th or 10th down his list -- he would be honest with you. guilt, stressed out, whatever the reason(s), he should stay in touch, and not that stupid calling your cell and leaving a song message.

let him contact you and then tell him to bug off! if you can. otherwise, you have to decide if MM is worth all this back and forth, up and down, the rollercoaster, as we here on the board like to call it.

luv, you deserve better treatment from a man you've known for what 16 years or so!

good luck, honey.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 2:56pm
Im gonna have to vote otherwise...he is clearly making the attempt to contact her in some form...first of all is EMAs require alot of patience, especially when you are both M or involed with SOs...secondly...he clearly is having guilt problems and as a man, he is expected to need "cave time"....now whether or not you can handle his need for this time and his eratic behavior is up to you...there's nothing easy about being involved in an EMA and we all handle it differently. As women, we typically need reassurance, contact etc. to make us more at ease....for men, they typically just need to back off a bit until next time...

Have faith - as disrespectful as he may seem, Im almost certain he's not intending to be...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 12:18am
GOod advice wingz.... there has to be respect even in an EMA

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