Need Reassurance
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| Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:30pm |
I have been married for 6 years. (Been with H for 14 years). I started an A with MM with 2 kids in August. (He has been married for 15 years and with his wife for 17). He is a co-worker of mine and 13 years older. I was attracted to this man a year ago and then he became my director in June. We have always flirted shamelessly. Anyway, it began in August. In the beginning, it was wonderful, he would call me, we'd find time to be together and then as co-workers started to talk, I noticed him pulling back a little. We'd still talk every morning and afternoon. Now a man that lives near him became a director as well and they will be driving together to work nearly every morning next year. He assures me he'll call me as soon as he can in the morning, just not in the car. He assures me he does not want to end this...I don't either, but I sometimes feel I am getting "crumbs" when he can give them. He tells me he loves me, but cannot promise me a future with him. Honestly, I don't even want marriage from this man or a future with him, I never expected him to leave his wife, but the affection I get from him is so wonderful and I don't want to lose it. He seems to always be honest with me, even if it's something I don't want to hear.
We've only had sex a few times. Honestly, I could do without the sex, it's not that, in fact, we have recently stopped having sex because we agreed it's not what we want our relationship to be based on. For us, it is more talking, hand holding, kissing and hugging, but only when it's possible to get it. He told me today to stop worrying about things so much, that he wants me to be happy and not sad all the time. I really want to be.
This realtionship has put me in so much turmoil, I don't know what to do. I am completely insecure and needy and I hate myself like this. I don't want to lose him, but more importantly, I would hate losing him as a friend. What should I do? I won't see him again until the New Year. Should I just accept this relationship for what it is...a special part of my life, but only a part or should I just end it? I don't want to because we've shared such beautiful memories together and want those to continue, but am I demeaning myself? I know this man cares for me and loves me, but I also know he is limited by time and co-workers in what he can offer me. Should I just accept this and just be happy that I have two men in my life who love me? Please help.

1.Accept the fact that it is what it is...
2.When the relationship is more negative than positive it's time to end it
Only you can answer #2 *hugs*
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
you post that you want to stay married, are not looking for a future with MM, that MM loves you and wants to stay married, but also to see you and is obviously emotionally attached to you. he gives you the most time and attention he can fit in between both your marriages and work, yet you are questioning the A by referring to his "crumbs" of attention. you're having an EMA, honey, not a marriage with MM so by definition, the EMA is "extra" not primary!
honey, relax and enjoy what you have which is two Rs with two men who love and care about you. what's not to love!
gurl
What did I say in my post that makes you believe he's emotionally attached to me? This is my first affair EVER, so maybe I am confused as to how to conduct myself.
You made me feel better though. Thanks. :)