need a release..vent sort of

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
need a release..vent sort of
8
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:33pm
I dont know why Im here writing, almost seems pointless,but thought maybe if i get it out in words to read Ill feel better. I know you all must be or have gone though this at one point or another, I just cant deal with it. I havent spoken to OM since Tuesday and its making me crazy ! When we saw each other then , we left having an awesome time. Things had gone further then they had in the past and I think hes freaked out. But like why do me always have to control the freaking situation?! Why do we let THEM call the shots??! I was hurt not hearing from him, now Im just POed! I have the family thing too, but Im willing to make the sacrifice, why dont they?! Why is it that they call when they can, but expect you to be there when they are ready?! Man this just makes me sooo mad. I want to call and tell him off, but im sure he wouldnt pick up the phone, then I risk not ever speaking to him again! I feel like Im going crazy for sure! I dont like rollercoasters and I really hate this one, but at the beginning it was sooo exciting! Do they ALL end up like this?! Will I hear from him again?! any way if u read this , thanks I just have no outlet and I really just want to explode! JAM
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:37pm
Hi there, I feel sort of like you today. Although I did talk to MM for a short while yesterday, but haven't heard from him today yet.

And I'm kind of in a bad mood, I don't know if I will respond back if I get an email from him today. I would probably be a little nasty and he would know it, even though its really not his fault. Its just one of those really down days for me today. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:38pm
I know exactly what you are going through. It's been two days since I've spoken to my MM and it is driving me absolutely nuts! I know he is extremely busy, but I mean, come on....he knows my work and cell numbers....I wonder if sometimes he even thinks about me. I know he does, though, and I'm trying not to stress. They just don't realize how sometimes just a five-minute phone call telling you they won't be available that day means so much. Just to hear his voice.....

I'm trying so hard not to call...letting him call me. It's hard, but sometimes we just have to do it. It doesn't mean it's not agonizing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:11pm
Thanks alot 2 you both.Its nice to know Im not going crazy alone! This just really bites. I dont know bout any of you ,but it like sets my whole day I hear from him Im happy and pleasant , I dont Im a btch! It shouldnt be that way , but it is. I cant deal with it. I know he was online this morning, would it have killed him to just say HELLO?! Im just as busy as him if not more! .. thanks for listening.. It means sooo much .. JAM
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:15pm

hi justamess and welcome!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 6:20pm
Thanks gurlfriend. I really hope your right on this one cause I really want him to talk to me. I understand guilty/freaked out, but why dont they say something. All i get is things are fine then NC for however long. Its hard to distract myself when all I can do is think about him and is he even remotly thinking about me? I want to call him but I dont want to seem pushy ! this is a no win situation ! So glad Im not alone ! JAM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 7:25pm
just a mess


No hon you are not alone .We are all in the same boat . I also was very frustrated when my MM wouldn't call or only call when I would ask him too .

It would hurt so much when he wouldn't call for awhile ....so I emailed him what I expected from our R .

I told him I don't expect him to call everyday but once or twice a week I am sure he can find a few moments to call to say hi . There is no such thing as... that busy .

When someone wants to call they know to find the time .

In the beginning he seemed to find the time to call almost everyday , even if it was for only 5 minutes .

I told him it hurts that he can't show some interest and that I expect him to be my friend . If he can't find time to call his friend , then maybe never mind .

Of course time went by after that email still no answer from him .

I was going to wait more time but then I thought ........why do I have to sit here and eat my heart out ?? Last time we met we had a great time . Then 3 weeks go by and I don't hear from him . Why ?? and of course all these thoughts start running through my head driving me crazy .

So I picked up the phone , he answered , I said - Hi are you alive ? .......he didn't have time to talk at that moment but the next day he did get back to me apologizing and explaining to me why he hasn't answered my email or called .

Lots of guilt , very confused and hard for him to deal with things .

So what happens is MM has guilt so they go with NC ............ of course after some while they miss you that is when they contact again .

Bottom line after our conversation he basically was saying he wanted a break to figure things out .

Maybe try to work things out with W ( yeah like that is ever going to happen but ok ) .Although he said those things he still never made me feel or say that he thinks about me or misses me . ( My MM is very hard at expressing what he feels , I think many men are like that )

Of course NC isn't what I wanted to hear , I was sad .....but I have to respect his space . So I emailed him a nice short email , I understand you need your space , when you figure things out you know where to find me .


Then two days past I was very very sad . I missed MM so much . Then all these thoughts start going through my head .Maybe he doesn't even really miss me . Maybe things feel so good for me that I don't realize they aren't really that good for him .

Maybe I miss him so much because of the fantasy that is stuck in my head that the passion

we have is like no one could describe . Does he feel this passion as much as I do ??

If he doesn't that would make it so much easier for me to move on with my life ........ it is because I know he wants me as much as I want him I can't stop thinking about him .

It was driving me crazy I had to email him and ask ............... I didn't care if I was risking pushing him away for contacting him even though he asked for some space .

So I emailed him , about what I was feeling and please if he can answer me just that.

He called , I was in shock , but very happy . Anyways he explained a bit more . That he thinks about me all the time . He really can't handle it . he feels really guilty because he lays in bed at night with wife and thinks about me . and he didn't think his emotions would be getting involved and of course the passion I feel for him he feels for me .But this is very confusing for him and he doesn't know how to deal with it .

And he needs to end one R before he can begin another R .

I said - what does that mean ?? Do you want to leave your W ? I don't want you leaving her on my account . If you want to leave her , it should be for You , because you are not happy .

He said - I know . But seeing you and talking to you doesn't help me figure out what to do it just makes things worst ............and I feel like I am cheating on my W ( in my mind I am like DAH well yeah but on the other hand she doesn't give him what he needs or he wouldn't be cheating ) We didn't really get to finish the rest of conversation cause he had to go . he said he would call another time when he has more time to talk.

But I was very happy now . Now I know yes MM is thinking of me and yes he does miss me . He just doesn't know how to say it and express. He doesn't know how to deal with things so his way is NC . Not even realizing the pain he is putting me through . It is just his guilt that makes him not call .................but of course after awhile when things don't change at home and the MM feels frustrated they end up calling.

So yes they also think and miss us the way we think and miss them . But in a way I guess they are a bit stronger and hold it inside . while us women need to get it out .

Notice how many ladies are on this board , but yet very few men .

Give him some space , maybe after awhile ( a few weeks ) call him or email him . it's ok .

I know the feeling of trying not to be pushy . everyday Just try to let another day go by till weeks go by then if I get NC from him , I contact him and I feel better .No I don't think we have to wait for MM to call all the shots. We have feelings and needs too .

During the NC time , yes it is hard . But I come here . read others stories , make comments . Try to keep busy with other stuff at home and the days do go by .

Hang in there , I think men are not very good communicators that is why they don't say something .

I am sure he is thinking of you and missing you he is just trying to figure out how to handle it and what to do .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 11:57pm
Viperdiva thank you soooo very much for what you wrote me.. I felt like u knew exactly what i felt inside.. Its killing me.. I hope all of u are right . I will wait it out, but i think monday will be my limit. I just need to know . I just wanna cry. Thank you again for helping me and making me see how things are. I understand a little better now, I just hope he is like these men and not a player. I truely think he is a nice guy , just very confused. Im banking on it
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 8:24am
I was constantly calling and writing my OM, to the point that he got mad. So i stopped all together. I knew he dropped off his kids every day at the daycare across the street from my house, and that he would look for me, but i wouldn't go outside. Same with picking them up!! It was hard but it was a great feeling, b/c he soon started calling me and wondering what i was up to! And wanting to see me!!!! Nothing like having him worry instead of you. Maybe you should try it and see what happens. You know if he calls or emails you don't act like you're dying without him. Be cool about it and he'll get the pic. Good Luck


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