In need of seriouse Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
In need of seriouse Help
3
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 10:15am
Recap from earlier email. Update

Told Husband I want out, have been caught lying to him the past year about money. I work a lot of hours so I don’t have to deal with him. Just moved out this weekend, will be sharing custody with him. I feel like I am ending a business, I have no emotion towards the marriage. He is very emotional – gets angry very fast. I try to calm him down by hugging him and kissing him. Just to appease the moment. I don’t feel anything for him, but I don’t show him some emotion than the outcome is worse for me. I can’t stand dealing with the constant arguing. We haven’t had sex since July, needless to say the other morning before I moved out we were together. Just to shut him up and make the move a little easier on me. I don’t have any feeling towards this I felt like I was doing a job, once the act was done I was so relieved. I can't keep doing this it is killing me inside. I never felt guilty when I meet OM and we were together, but I feel guilty for the being with H.

Here is the problem, I thought I have found someone who makes me really happy and he does, I care so much about him, but then I think if I really did why would I put myself in the situation. I must not, but I do I just do these things with H to appease him for a short time. To make things calm, I feel like I have been living a double life. I feel so guilty towards OM, I really care about him and I want to tell him to just go away – because I can’t hurt him anymore. He doesn’t deserve that, he really has a great heart and is a pure Jem.

Help me. I am a mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 1:45pm
i'm sorry my secret, but i'm confused!

you've left your H (moved out) and now want to be with OM, but can't be. why?? because you have been keeping the ending of your M on an even keel. that can only benefit you and OM.

why do you feel guilty and not right in the relationship with OM??

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 3:02pm
I have left H this past weekend, very hard breakup - there is alot of emotion on his part and I feel like I am ending a business relationship. He makes things very hard for me, so to make things easier at times, I play into him and give him a hug or a kiss. Meanwhile my heart is with OM. OM and I have been intimate! The other night H and I had sex and I feel horrible about. I did it just to shut him up, I couldn't stand the fighting anymore. How do I deal with this when I feel horrible that I did this to OM???

Has anyone else been in this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 12:08pm
story -- don't feel guilty about the sex part. you are doing what you have to do to keep a bad situation from being horrible! try to wean the affectionate gestures from your H. and no more sex, just tell H you too uncomfortable to have sex now that you are separated. and remember, legally, the separation doesn't actually start until there has been no "martial cohabitation" or sex.

don't tell your OM about the sex or kisses. he doesn't need to know about that stuff. just move on with your new life and stop feeling guilty, or stupid, or whatever. you are free to do whatever YOU want.

good luck,

gurl