Need some advice
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| Sun, 01-18-2004 - 10:03pm |
OK....I aologize ahead of time if this is long. I am not married, but have lived with my b/f for over 3 years now. Things were very bad in our relationship for a long time. At least from my side. I was just very unhappy. I tried to end things many times, but he always talked me out of it and I guess I was settling a litle. Don't get me wrong...it was nothing abusive or anything like that. My b/f is a good guy, he just wasn't giving our relationship what it needed to survive. Anyhoo.....I went out of town for work back in Sept. and I met a guy. An amazing guy. We ended up sleeping together and the strange thing was that I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. Which was very strange, because I have never cheated on anyone in my entire life. And instead of it just being "one of those things", we kept in touch after I came back home. A lot. We would talk or e-mail everyday. Things were becoming very emotional between us. I couldn't really handle the guilt, so I told my b/f everything. I know a big part of me just wanted him to get angry and just end it. But he was devestated and didn't want things to end. He promised to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and has kept to that promise. But I just can't give up the OM. We tried to stop talking and that lasted about a week. I hate that I am still lying to my b/f. A couple of weeks ago, the OM told me that he has fallen in love with me. I don't know if my feelings are that strong, but I know they are close. The thing is, for us to be together would mean completely uprooting my whole life. He lives almost 900 miles away. I would be leaving my family, friends, job...and the fact is that I love my b/f. But I keep thinking there is going to be this huge "what if" in my life. I think that if my b/f and I stay together, get married, I could have a happy life, but to be honest, I don't believe that he is the one for me. And I do think that given the chance, the OM could be.
So...there's my story. Has anyone else out there been in this situation. I know a lot of you are married and so leaving is not so much an option. I know it probably seems like it should be easy since we are not married and have no kids, but it's really not. So any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Again, I apologize for the length of this.
Amy

I am one of the married ones but had relationships before M.
I know ending a 3 year R is not easy But the idea of possably M B/F would not be a good one unless you are sure he is the one and clearly your not.
If you think B/F is not the one maybe getting out is the best idea for all concerned, this is a hard idea I know but M the wrong person is the sort of a mistake that can waste your life and leave you resenting B/F because you let the right one get away.
You sound young you have time don't rush into anything take your time and make decisions that you can live in the long term 40-60 years.
GOOD LUCK
FREE
I knew the one thing I should have mentioned was my age. I am young, but not that young. I am 31. I am at a point in my life where I want marriage and kids. My b/f wants those things too.
I went to visit my best friend this past week and she brought up something that has really made me think. She asked me if it bothered me that my b/f is doing all these great things solely because he's afraid he's going to lose me. I didn't understand what she was trying to say because that sounded like a good thing to me. But she said he should be doing these things because they are what make me happy and are what he wants too. It's almost like it's not real if he's just doing it to appease me. That's really made me think.
I don't know what will happen. I guess I just wanted some outside viewpoints. It's nice when I can ask these things of people who do not know me or my relationship. Just a nice biased opinion.
Thanks again!!