Need some advice dearly
Find a Conversation
Need some advice dearly
| Sat, 10-25-2003 - 12:26pm |
Hi everyone!I posted here once before about having an a,which ended.I felt relieved when it did end and was really puting my thoughts and mind on getting my love back for my h.I or should I say we were doing real good until now.Let me explain.I talked to my h about my feelings and that's when he really started to change.He was so relieved that I opened up to him.Our s-x life has even improved which has been great.That part was my fault.Well anyway I realized that I really do have a great h that loves me more now then 11 years ago,which is how long we been m.I vowed to my-self to never break our wedding vows in that way again and was so confident.Well guess what I'm doing it again.I've worked with this other man for over 3 years and he just recently let me know of his feelings for me,which I first said that I'm m and willl not cheat on my h.I felt strong that I would not give in to my thoughts of him from the past for I have always thought this guy was very cute and a has very nice body but I just kept it to my-self of course because I am m and I never in my mind thought that he would be interested in me in any way.We work together so of course we would talk and joke around but nothing sexually or anything like that.To say the least when I found out about his feelings for me I was thrilled yet not wanting to get my-self in another a.Didn't work and now I so damn confused and angry at my-self I could scream.My h is so good to me.I always thought the life I have is what I wanted but now I'm beginning to wonder.I really don't want to leave my h I just want to see life in other ways.That's so wrong I know.My h really does deserve someone better then me but yet I won't let him go and I guess I won't let this a end either.I met with this om a few times already and it has been great.I told om on Oct. 8th that I could not do this anymore because I felt really bad.Well guess what happend that same damn day.We ran out of parts at work got to go home early and I ended up over at his house instead of going straight home to be with my h.And now we just can't stop wanting to be with each other.Does this make any sense?Can anyone offer me some friendly advice again?Hope this isn't to long but I do feel some what relieved to vent a little.
Signatures On
| Sun, 10-26-2003 - 8:27am |
i think this is indeed a complicated situation. On one hand you claim to love your H and was working hard on never letting come between you again. Getting your s-x life back to better times, and working on eachother, and all along this om has always been there. 3 years working with you.. and to let this happen with him is not just a coinsidence. there either was something there to begin with, or wasn't, and it seems unfair to say that he one day says how he feels about you and you forget that you were working on things and jump right into it. I am sorry, but perhaps it is a low self esteem issue here. Yeah you always thought he was cute and had a nice body. BIG DEAL, lots of people do, but it wasn't until he expressed it to you that you were willing to now throw everything you claim to be working on for what...??? ask yourself that. and i don't mean to be harsh, but i think you have some major issues to deal with, WITHOUT your H. I think that it isn't repairable anymore.. good lúck though
| Sun, 10-26-2003 - 9:24am |
Thanks for your reply.No hard feelings taken.I do have a low self-esteem and yes that proberly has alot do with it.Getting attention from people that are very atrractive is great especially when you feel like you are not attractive.I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'm sure I will regret this,proberly more so then the first a I had because this a is more serious.As far as working with this guy for 3 years I never said anything about my feelings for him for obvious reasons.And when he told me he was having feelings I was very surprised.I have alot of issues to work on I know.
| Mon, 10-27-2003 - 8:38am |
Honestly, I think probably the majority of us on here could be said to suffer from low self-esteem. And don't we ALL have issues to work on? We're all pretty much messes. Sure, there are sometimes more understandable reasons people enter into As, but every single one of us is in the wrong here, so don't beat yourself up over it. I have a wonderful husband, a fantastic marriage and I'm fighting this A with everything I have. I come to work every Monday filled with resolve and strength and then I come face to face with MM and it all comes crashing down. I guess that's the reason NC is the only way to truly end an A...because we can't seem to think as clearly when we're with the person we're supposedly in love with. It's hard to say no when someone is telling you they can't get enough of you and can't stop thinking of you. Many people don't have that temptation to face because generally men don't just go around falling in love with married women and telling them about it. I try to keep my friendship with MM on a flirting level and try not to take it to the physical and it's actually becoming easier to be strong as time goes on. I don't know what to say to help you...just know that you aren't the only one who can't seem to do the right thing no matter how hard she tries!
| Wed, 10-29-2003 - 6:33pm |
Thanks for your reply to my post.All advice is greatly appreciated.I keep telling myself that I can't do this anymore and that I'm going to tell him today, and when I get to work and see his face I freeze.I just can't bring myself to tell him.I just don't understand why I can't fight the temptation of being with someone else when I really do have a good h who tries with all his heart to make me happy.I just know that I'm going to end up getting caught and messing things up with my family and when that happens I'll learn then I guess.Oms fiance is back from being out of town and I was really upset to hear that.He is also talking about going to 2nd shift so that might keep us from having as much contact.I keep asking god to help me do the right thing but I keep doing the wrong.I really do need help.I go speak to a counselor monday.I hope that helps.
