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| Mon, 10-27-2003 - 10:33pm |
I am in an A with a MM and I am M also. This has been going on for 2+ years but just this past May have we realized how much we mean to each other and since then has been getting deeper and deeper and deeper. We say ILY to each other all the time. I know he is my soulmate and wish we could be together. We spend some lunches and most everyday after work together plus get out every few weeks on a Friday and have even been able to spend a long evening in a hotel. We both have kids me 2 him 1 and he has many reasons why he cannot leave his W which I understand as much as I want to be with him I dont know if I could leave my H and the kids even though I would want to very badly. This past Friday we went out and had a wonderful time on Sat apparently he got in a massive fight with his W now has not told me everything yet but did tell me he pushed it word wise and I think was trying to see if he could really do it and start the ball rolling so we could be together. Now he couldn't and we talked briefly via email Sat night then he called me Sunday and we talked again via email Sun night. I went into work today excited to see him like I always do but knowing he was still kinda bummed. Now for my problem (s). Friday night we had some pretty good and heated discussions and it came down to having sex with our significante others and so on and so forth and we worked through them or I thought. Now my H and I have a few parties to go to next Saturday and he is having a hard time with this cause (1)he wants to be the one going with me (2) he know that when alcahol gets involved so will sex. Now we both have admited (which he suprised me by telling me this) to kinda shying away and avoiding having sex with W & H but he knows Sat is a pretty good probability that it will happen as much as I dont want it to happen with H it probably will but I dont want to say this to him and today he started turnin his mood on me and now it seems he is mad at me. I have so many emotions going through me cause I dont want to hurt him but he is hurting me. He is not being fair to me what am I suppose to do what does he expect from me. Then when I try to talk to him he gets this attitude which i know he always gets but today for the first time in a long time he left work without saying goodbye to me then when i tried to call him on the way home he didnt even answer...that drives me absolutly nuts its like his way or no way and the only way i can ever get through to him is face to face talking but to get there takes so much energy that im not sure i have it all the time. I love him dearly and do want to spend the rest of my life with him but his moods swings I swear are worse than a woman's. I guess I am just venting and rereading through this dont know if i need advice or what but like right now I am waiting for his emails back we usually talk around now and he still has not answered and I bet he wont tellin me some reason or another why he couldnt. What a fun week this will be its only Monday and hes pissy about what may or may not happen sat. Thanks for listening to me sorry for the length.

There is nothing easy about dealing with the emotional struggles of an EMA but reality is reality and it is what it is...best advise I can give to each of you is to not concentrate on what each of you is doing in your marriages or when you aren't together...cherish the time you do have and roll those memories through your mind when you are apart instead of focusing on what the other is doing with their spouse....
*hugs*
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Liberal,
No we do know fantasy from reality he knows it happens just as i do but wish it didnt but know is always will. Now I dont ask but he does and i just cant lie to him and he doesnt want me to either its just that he hates hearing it so i wish he would quit asking. Thank you for your comments.....
Lilah i so know what you are talking about he does not raise his voice or get physical either its that i dont care attitude that just drives me nuts...i cannot stand it cause i know he really cares. See now the jealousy thing is something i dont have to worry about actually he loves to watch me hit on someone or have someone hit on me....and that is part of what we are arguing about right now is that i am talking and flirting with a guy at lunch and this guy kissed me and he thinks he pushed me to start flirtin with this guy...to your comment about him cooling off no it is probably worse than ever right now i just cant seem to get through to him and i feel if i just say fine whatever you say then he will come back at me saying what dont you care stuff like that i tell you ive been wondering all day what i got myself into but then i think back to the hotel and friday night and it all comes back that i dont want to give him up i love him way to much...