Need some input

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Need some input
11
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 1:45pm
Hi Guys...

I can't believe how much comfort I feel when I get into this site and read everyone's input. I have been in an LDEMA for 5 months now...both of us are M. Both unhappy, but are still married because we are still sorting through this confusion. We have been business associates for 2 years now and all of a sudden...we started looking at each other diffently a few months ago. It's been great since we care about each other a lot and have been open and honest about our situation(s). We share our feelings about our frustrations/opinions/etc.

Anyway, we were on the phone today planning a get-together out of town and we were having a great time until I asked him what the rest of his week looked like (my attempt at small talk). He told me that his family is having a family reunion this weekend and was having aunts/uncles/cousins fly in (some are staying at his house). For some reason, I just got really jealous.

I have come to understand that in an EMA, we can't afford to really feel jealous due to the circumstance. I have been trying to avoid those feelings of bitterness/jealousy/etc. simply to survive this EMA (and not go nuts) but I just don't know what's going on with me. I really like him, no doubt about that, and I know he likes me too but this whole reunion thing struck a weird feeling from me. It's bad enough that I know he has a W and a child at home...and it's bad enough that he knows I have a H at home. What does it mean when we get to a point where we are starting to feel jealous/bitter of their activities because we aren't simply the ones enjoying it with them?

It's only been 5 months...Why now am I feeling this way?

Any advice as to what I can do to deal with it or simply pretend he never said it or get a case of amnesia? Ha. Ha.

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
In reply to: torn22
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 5:22pm
kew29

Yours was the first post that I've found that resembles my situation. My OM is single and used to be my hubby's best friend. I say used to because at some point my husband just decided that he didn't need friends anymore. So for probably the last 5 years, OM has been my best friend. Unlike you I know how how this happened, I just don't know what to do about it. So far there has been no IC. Close but not yet. Maybe never. Right now he is having an attack of morals. Up to this point, we have never both been ready at the same time. I'm not sure if that is good or bad? OM told me in Feb that he loved me, that he's loved me for 15 years. That makes me feel like such a lucky girl!

Sometimes I feel the jealousy thing too. He's divorced and has a son, and last year he had a serious girlfriend that he lived with for a short time. Thank God that ended! Seriously, the thing I try to remember is that I've always wanted him to be happy. Long before this thing between us, when he was just my friend. Sometimes the jealousy isn't even over another person, it's over something else he's doing when he could be spending time with me. But I know he needs to have those things he enjoys in his life, and we don't really know when I'm going to have an opportunity to see him.

I would really like to know more about your situation.


lp

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