Need support to make it thru Sat. night

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Need support to make it thru Sat. night
7
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 1:37pm
I need support to make it thru Sat. night at my OM's house for a party. I'm good friends with his wife and 3 other couples. We get together regularily and have a great time. Saturday will be the first time my OM and I will be together since we decided 2 weeks ago on the phone that our friendship is far more important to us than this incredible fling we've been having. During these parties, we both get such a charge out of making out with each other as we cross paths on the way to the bathroom or wherever we can. I've already decided not to drink that night as that tends to make my desire for him stronger and my self control weaker. My biggest problem is that I do not want this to end. I think he wants it to end more than I do but still has "feelings" for me. I just don't want to end up doing something stupid and throwing myself at him. I want him to desire me more, maybe so I can feel more in control - I don't know?!?! Wish me luck and pass on any words of advice or otherwise.

Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 1:48pm
saynotorh -- i've been in this exact situation, but the reverse! i was the one who told MM not to pay extra attention to me, or follow me to the restroom, etc. at social events and parties. our partners were getting suspicious and i wanted some space.

MM, his W, my BF and i are all friends and get together alot. it's very, very hard, but you MUST not throw yourself at MM! EVER!! talk to everyone at the party, hang on your H's every word, laugh at his jokes, whatever you have to do not to focus on MM. and your best idea yet, DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING ALCOHOLIC!! total loss of self-control there!

then leave a little earlier than you normally would. suggest to H that you have a headache, cramps, whatever, and want to go home.

those tactics are some of what i use when i want to stay away from MM. you can't control his "desire" for you, but you can back off and give him space. after awhile (a couple of weeks or social occasions together), he'll probably be calling you and wanting to be with you. but maybe not. your MM might be finished with the EMA. if you put up some walls and give him some distance and he doesn't contact you outside the "friends" situation, you'll know he definitely wants to end the EMA.

just back off a bit and stay as far away from him saturday night as possible.

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 1:54pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you - you're advice is exactly what I need to do. I have been pondering this for 2 weeks now and I decided on behaving just the way you described. I just hope I can do it!

Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 1:58pm
just take it one event at a time honey! if the pressure gets to be too much, fake the headache and leave. i just remove myself from the situation and it works.

don't overthink it either. just relax and go for awhile and try to enjoy the company. but keep your dignity and self-respect, okay?!

good luck,

gurl

p.s. - you better post afterward and let us know what happened!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 2:34pm
Best insurance I know of is to offer to be the designated driver. Have 2 sodas for every alcoholic beverage. That'll keep those hormones from getting loosened up by alcohol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sat, 11-15-2003 - 6:53pm
I'm getting ready for the dinner party at my OM's house. I'm going to be strong and stay as far away from him as I can all night and most definately avoid any conversations with him that have to do with us. I'm going to play it warm and friendly but cool and distant. Wish me luck!!!

I was at another function last night where I watched a couple, who everyone thinks is having an affair. Actually, it was blatantly obvious that they are and I felt so bad for that woman's husband. Don't want to be like that.

Anyhow, thanks again for your support guys!

Cheers!

sayno
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 1:31pm
Things went very well last night, quite "normal" as a matter of fact. Being with the group and having fun almost felt like it did before the A. I talked with OM alone (with people around) about everyday sort of things and it was very stress free.

What a relief, I think we may have put our lust behind us, at least for now. We even hugged they way we used to before things heated up and I didn't feel too excited by it.

Hopefully, we won't backslide, our next party is next Sunday!

sayno
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 9:06pm
Sayno,

Congratulations on getting through the evening so well. That has to feel good to be comfortable around him in a social setting like that.

Stay strong,

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika