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need to talk to someone
| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:38pm |
Hi all, this is my first writing but I have been reading for about a month. Just needing to talk to some of the other "other women" out there. Have been involved in A for 8 months, started as emotional A first, changed to physical one 2 months in. He is M, I am S from my DH for the last 3 months. My DH has been ill for the last 6 years and I finally got tired of being his nurse and mother. There has been nothing physical in our M for years. Now that I have found someone who give me everything I need (both physically & emotionally) I am just wondering where, if anywhere this could possibly lead? Most of the time I trust him completely, then there are other times when I just wonder if he is cheating on her how do I know he won't do the same to me down the road? I don't expect him to ever leave his W and most of the time I am satisfied with our relationship, but some time when I am alone all those insecurities come creaping back in and I wonder if this is something "real"....any advice??

Welcome to the board. I'm pretty new here and have found incredible support and advice from both the women and the men. I think you've already answered your own question in your post. It's not going to lead anywhere more than what it is. You said yourself that you don't expect him to leave his W. As for him cheating on you, how ironic is that question? You either have to trust him and his feelings for you, or you have to accept the A for what it is and if he is "cheating" on you, than guess what, that's his perogative. In A's I've learned, we don't have any right to have a hold on MM. He's married for heaven's sake and he's cheating on his wife with you. Why should he feel the need to be faithful to you to and why should you have the right to expect that?
I'm sorry if this sounds kind of harsh, but this is the realization I've had to come to with my MM, that if he wanted to be with another woman, that's his choice, just like I have the choice to be with OM and neither of us has a right to say otherwise because we are in a A.
I hope that you can just enjoy what you have with him and don't build up expectations that can only hurt you, you know what I mean? Take care and I wish the best for you.
ibc
You are totally right in the fact that we have no hold on our MM, but if we let them the insecurities and doubts can make a bad situation worse.I myself struggle with them everyday that we are not together, and trust me when I say that they cause problems(makes me look mental somedays LOL)
But don't we have the right to expect our MM to not see other women? As far as my MM and myself we have agreed on the fact that we can accept the R the other has with their spouse but we will not accept sharing them with anyone else. As strange as that sounds it works well for us. But as it has been posted before all A's are different and what works for one does not necessarily work for another.
This is just my opinion....
later
SB
Seeburg
Anyways, I would not be acceptable to MM seeing someone else besides me and he wouldn't like if I was seeing anyone else either. Every now and then we question each other that if this ended would we look for someone else. The answer is always no.
We are both basically monogamous people, and therefore trust each other is not sleeping around. We also don't use protection because of the trust we have in each other. Anyways, MM is only the 3rd man I've slept with, the others being H #1 and #2.
Dusty
That's where MM came into my life and if it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be right now.
I still love H, I'm not really ready to leave him, maybe things can change.
But I really need MM at this point in my life. For how long this will last I don't know. Its been over 2 years now we've been seeing each other.
Maybe another 2 years, or 5, who knows? Until something drastic in my life changes, I hope we will continue as we have.
Good luck to you and hope you can feel some peace with your life, as I am kind of feeling with mine right now.
Dusty
I was already involved in the A before I moved out but I did not move out because of it...I did it for myself and my sanity. My MM kept asking and making sure that the move was my idea and for my best interest and not because of him. He is a wonderful person and I guess I just need to take what I can get from this relationship and for as long as this relationship lasts.
Thanks for giving me someone to talk to:)