Need a TON of support - now have exAP

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Need a TON of support - now have exAP
7
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:21pm

Okay, everyone, I decided to finally put myself first and took the step that is oh, so difficult. Breaking it off with AP. I have a variety of feelings right now...numb, sad, relieved, empowered, and just plain disbelief. I guess it really helped that AP never once said "I love you", or "you are beautiful", or "I care about you so much." He is an expert at hiding feelings, so I wish the next lovely lady
who gets to be his bed partner loads of luck. He is 46 and never been in a real relationship - just had a few
one night stands and apparently, I was his f*^# buddy. FWB. I was okay with that for awhile, but quickly realized that this man cannot make any decisions, he has this sick
fantasy about this 26 year old girl who has a ton of guy
friends and goes out with him when it is convenient for her schedule, and he is messed up financially. Also, I came to find out when I was talking with him yesterday that he thinks about her when he is
with me! Oh, maybe he was just kidding. Not funny. Then he has the nerve to ask me what he should do about her...like WTF I am not his counselor! I have given him some general advice, but stopped
that and he even said he would stop bringing her up around me. He just generally doesn't care and frankly, he has more issues than I care to deal with.
The sex...was good. Amazing and inspiring. But there would be NO way in he#% that I would leave my H for that man. As I say, best of luck to Nicole or whoever he f^#*s next. I am better than that crap! And it is time to take care of me!!
I don't want to go over to EAS just yet, I am much more comfortable with everyone here and I know you will give me lots of love and support. Am I grieving? Yes. Earlier today, I was just so weepy. Had to be careful that H didn't see me so emotional. I think, at least for today, I have moved past the sadness stage and am on to the anger phase. It makes me so mad that I allowed this man to use me. I gave
so much of myself - not only physically, but my friendship as well. I thought I had a dear friend. Turns out, the laugh was on me. Oh, it hurts. God, it hurts. I cannot and will not make any contact with him - I thought maybe he still wanted to be friends, but I will just let him work his "friendly" tricks on Nicole. He
needs to experience real hurt in a relationship. We never
had a real relationship. Fake, false, phony. Guess I am glad I realized it now and got the he*^ out.

Any words of encouragement are so appreciated. Cyber hugs, too. Time to kick it in on the work that needs to be done in my M!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 11:06pm

Oh well done Hearts!!! Gosh I know how hard that is and how hard that must have been for you. I am so pleased for you- and so very proud of you!!!!


To be honest it sounds like you are well rid of him honey. What a jerk, raising some 26yo fantasy girl with you! And comparing her to you! Idiot.


I also agree that a person's history speaks volumes if they arent currently in the process of addressing past issues. 46 no real relationshiop, chasing a 26 yo- doesnt sound like he is on a journey to discover himself huh.


Stay here Hearts and we will support you. Im sure EAS will too though.


Big HUGS

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 12:57am

((((HUGS)))) Hearts!!! I can hear the pain in your post...but I am SO proud of you for taking this step. Of course it's going to hurt...of course you will grieve...but you have taken the first step to getting yourself back...and getting off this roller coaster ride we call an A:-)


Sounds like he had the better side of the deal in this R...I remember reading your posts about how he asked about "Miss Nicole"...and good for you for not being willing to be a part of his life anymore. 46...never been married...never had a long-term relationship...you are going to be better off without him.

Take some time...come here and vent and post and let it all out...then go back to your RL...and your H...and see if you can repair things there. What led you to have an A?


Stay strong...and don't respond if/when he contacts you! Make a clean break like you have...and just keep moving forward...one day at a time...one hour at a time if you need to.


Let us know how you are...and take care of YOU right now ((((HUGS))))

LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 1:22am
I'm sorry this A has left you feeling this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:27am

I'm proud of you too sweetie. Proud that you realized you deserved better than what he was giving. Have you told him that it's over, or are you just going to go NC? You have to be prepared for the steps you will go through, so at least read the "healing library" at EAS, even if you're not ready to post. Right now your anger is fueling your determination, but it gets pretty hard later when the anger seeps away. You'll start to remember good times and nice things he's said and you'll weaken about NC. If you're prepared, you'll be less apt to cave. It's best to block his e-mail and if it's possible on your phone to block his number there too (which should also block texts I believe). It's a lot harder to stop yourself from answering something he's sent or answering your phone than it is to stop yourself from sending something first, or calling.

We will do all we can to help you here! Lots of (((HUGS))) ♥

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:45am

((HUGS)) Heart :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 1:47pm

I'm so proud of you Hearts! I'm happy that you followed through and pray that you remain strong in your journey.


Wishing you all the best! I know you'll get through this and become stronger then you ever were before.


Hugs to you my dear..

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 1:18pm

Oh my word honey, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and let me just say I have been where you are at right now; however maybe not as hurt for the fact my XAP NEVER once told me he was hung up on some other girl, that he thought about someone else while we were together, that would literally make me puke my guts up.


Don't you dare ever go back to him, don't ever let him inside your world again, he is a loser and deserves not one ounce of you, your time, your energy or a brain cell of yours....ugh, I am so sorry.


I don't really post here, I'm on EAS and have been LC for 10 weeks, I work with my XAP and we too were mostly FWB but the sex was amazing and I truly like and cared for him, and it does hurt.


When you are ready, come on over to EAS and we will support you and show you love too.


Big hugs.....