Need to Vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Need to Vent
1
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:10pm
I am a SW dating a MM. We started our relationship knowing that he would not leave his wife due to their two small children. She stays home with the kids while he works. I never meant to fall in love with him, but he showers me with attention and affection. He spends almost all of his free time with me, going home at night only to sleep and spend a couple of hours with his kids. He never takes her out, never spends any real time with her. She has recently been told she is receiving an inheritance that would allow her to be able to support herself. This is not counting the $2500 a month in child support she would get.

But, she will not let him leave. I am not sure if she knows about me or not. I think, how could she not, but??? Any time he mentions it, she throws up in his face "do you want to ruin your children's life?" The only reason they married in the first place is because she got pregnant. He has told me this, as have his family and friends. I have heard him ask her to divorce him and heard her answer. Am I mad for staying with him? I feel like she will never let him go. He does feel guilty about his kids and she doesn't help. He makes over $100,000 a year and is only 28. He will only move up in the world, and I think that is her motivation.

Sorry, but I just needed to vent about this. Sometimes I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: sarah75701
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:50pm
Okay, first of all, if he truly didn't want to be married anymore, he could leave. The guilt trips would be there, but he could leave and still be a great father. Maybe he doesn't realize this.

Also, the inheritance she is getting, technically speaking, would be a marital asset which would mean he would be entitled to half. In addition, he would be entitled to half the equity they have in their home. So if he were to give up all of that AND agree to pay child support, there is no reason she couldn't support herself and the children without working.

I understand he wants to be with his children, believe me. But in some ways I think he's having his cake and eating it too right now. At some point, he needs to decide if his M is worth saving and if not, he needs to make a decision to leave. Please understand that even if he does this, it would be unwise to jump into a serious R with him. He will need time to adjust to his life. And he is going to need to see his children often.

Before you address any of this, though, you need to find out if he is ever going to want to leave or not. If not, as hard as it may be, you will need to move on. I wish you luck either way. And if you ever need to vent or get support, we're always here.