Need To Vent...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Need To Vent...
5
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 2:42pm
Hello everyone! It has been a while since I have visited. Everything has been sorta status quo since I was last here. . Although H and I have been basically co-existing in the same house and I have told him that I really feel that we are putting off the inevitable, (we are currently dealing with a major financial issue), we are at least somewhat amicable. I insisted we not celebrate Valentine's Day, too hypocritical at the moment. I did do a small something for MM though.

Anyway, onto venting...

My most difficult days are when MM's W and I talk. It is something unavoidable because in order for us to maintain her not knowing about us, I need to remain her friend. Consequently, I have to listen to her b**** about him, talk about their future plans, but worst of all, listen about their non-sex life. Before my H found out, I dealt with those things somewhat easier because MM was always there for me. Now that H knows, MM and I have to be so very careful and can only manage to talk right now, and this is causing me to freak out that he doesn't want me anymore. I know he does, he tells me all the time. Just the plain fact that despite our not being able to be together physically, he still talks to me just about every day, does tell me exactly how much I mean to him. But..

One of W's favorite complaints is that MM is all over her for sex, {and she has every excuse in the book to not do it}, and I also know that when she says all over her it usually constitutes something as benign as touching her a**, but I CANNOT TAKE HEARING IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

I remember when she was telling me how grateful she was when he had stopped asking her for sex so often {we were really hot and heavy then}. Anyway, it hurts so incredibly much when she tells me that he's asking her for sex. AND, MM knows that she always tells me. I just wish I could stop talking to her because it brings me sooooooooooo down when she tells me those things and then causes me to lash out at MM and I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT...

I want everything between us to be good!

I would give anything to have him make love to me again and we just can't right now because we need to be so cautious. I am going crazy without his touch and I HATE, HATE, HATE hearing about him touching her. It hurts like you would not believe! I do not want to be a jealous B**** because she is his W, but i can't help it!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You For Listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:02pm

CL-Gurlfriend50


Live, Love and Be Happy!


gurliejb@yahoo.com




Edited 2/17/2004 9:02:08 AM ET by cl-gurlfriend50

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 6:26pm
About midnight one night MM's W called to cry on my shoulder because he was cheating on her... I could have told her not yet, but soon. It was pretty horrible because I had his side and hers, and I care about both. I managed to pretend it was about her and someone else (I know -- I have a creative imagination). Like you, it too work, but I managed to find a way to distance myself. I think that's the hardest thing about this whole business, and why it's so sweet when its good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 11:28pm
gurlfriend50, so very, very cool!

That was the exact pep talk I gave myself all day today!

And I have vowed to change the subject as often as possible.

W does know I am having M problems, so I will use them as my excuse to her.

I have only showed my jealousy once before over their sex life, and I know that it is inevitable that they will do it, but I just would rather not hear about it. MM is lucky that he never has to know about H and me, although we are now celibate.

W and I did talk later today and I kept my vow, and everything went well.

I think I am mostly bumming because I miss MM's touch so badly and will continue to bum until I can be with him again. Nature of the A, I guess.

I do fully understand that his M is completely separate from our A, and that my M difficulties cannot have bearing on MM's M.

I will get through because I love him!

Thanks for the response!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 1:15pm
OKAY! Sometimes when I talk to W, it does turn out to be good!

This morning at the school busstop she had a lot of complaints,

but they were all the regular nit-picky crap that drives me nuts,

but do not make me wanna cry. So, that conversation went well.

The phone conversation this afternoon made me smile. Now I know

that I am going to sound rotten here, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

She called to complain that he was being so thoughtful (sarcasm was

dripping with every word) that not only did he stay home sick from

work today, but that he turned down filling in at the bar tonight,

(he tried to switch it for Friday but couldn't), so he volunteered

to fill in on Saturday. And as we all know, that is Valentine's Day!

Now, I KNOW he did not do it on purpose, but the thing that makes

me smile is that I am working Saturday night and will be able to

stop at the bar that night, so I will get to see him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I a terrible person or what? Anyway, just wanted to let you know

that sometimes her b****ing can make me smile :)

MFL8

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 2:28pm
well, lady, if you have to listen to it, you should be able to turn it around to your benefit, which you are doing.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board