Need your opinion!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Need your opinion!!!!!
12
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 10:36am

I will try to shorten this as much as possible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 11:18am

When I first was reading your message, I couldn't understand why he would lie to you since he is in the same situation you are - in an R, looking for something "on the side". But I think I know why. Since he barely knew you, he probably wanted to have the ability to just "disappear" if he wanted to - without you being able to find him. Also, since he barely knew you, he didn't want to find out you're the obsessive sort who might cause all sorts of heartache and even confront and tell his fiance about the two of you. There are some pretty strange people out there, and I think he was actually smart to try and stay anonymous at first. Not so smart to use his usual e-mail with his real name or to give you his work number, however LOL.

Right now, he's probably trying to decide, on what little he knows about you, if you're "safe" to continue seeing. Of course the cat's out of the bag and if you were any of the things he was afraid of, you could already cause him a lot of grief. I think he probably wants to take it slowly now to get to know you better, to see if he can trust you. I'm not sure, but I couldn't imagine any other reason he'd lie!

You might want to gently bring up to him that if he's cheating before he's even married, he might want to think about getting married. I feel badly for his fiance too.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 11:27am

Hi Lexi,


Thanks for your reply-yes I was thinking that too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 12:47pm
Hi,
Wow. Where to start? First off, while I can maybe understand his giving you a fake name at first, knowing you were attached why didn't he tell you he was in an R? I have serious doubts that this is his first time. As for his line of not being able to stop thinking of you or something of that sort, it sounds like a classic line. I'm sorry for sounding negative, but Ive seen enough and heard enough to be very suspicious. Also, the fact that he lied and you continue to say you really want to see him might scare him into thinking you are a bit obsessive and he is afraid somehow his cover will be blown by you.
Tone down your wanting so badly to get together with him. Nonchalance always gets them wondering.
This wasn't written judgmentally, just what I am getting from your post.
Good luck!
There are days I wish my marriage could be an open one, but I dont know if I could handle my husband being with someone else. I know. Selfish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 12:53pm

Don't you post as a betrayed spouse on the other boards?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 2:13pm

It would be much appreciated if you could have kept your questions and opinions to yourself (as I have posted) but thanks for disrepecting my request anyway.


Yes, are you right, I DID post on the other board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 2:25pm

The shaking my head was not judgment for an affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 3:01pm

Um...not to be "unsupportive" or anything.


But in your first post you said:


"I

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 5:06pm
Yes the marriage is open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 5:46pm

I, too, have posted on the betrayed spousal support board because I have been both. I wouldnt be surprised if many of us here have. It is hard to describe how we can be both but I was cheated on multiple times by my husband then became the cheater myself. I feel it isn't right to judge anyone as we have no idea what their life is like and have not walked a mile in their shoes.

Edited 10/23/2008 5:50 pm ET by seeknomore




Edited 10/23/2008 5:51 pm ET by seeknomore
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 6:11pm

Hi all -


I personally agree with Seek - if people have been on both sides - there may indeed be good reasons to post on both boards.

lightning in my heart

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