I would not want to be in your situation. Sounds like what he wants / expects in an A is different from what you want and need. His type of 'love' is, IMHO, not love at all. Instead of giving you space and the freedom to manage your priorities, he demands your space and insists on being ahead of everything else in your life.
I have A's because of things lacking in my marriage. I would not want an AP who makes more problems instead of giving me breaks from my problems at home. In your situation I would tell AP to take a hike.
((((initurmoil)))) I do feel for you... sorry if I sound critical.
He sounds immature, unreasonable, rather self-centered and needy. If you find all of this good traits in a mate, then by all means, go for it. I wouldn't. A good partner is one that is supportive, not someone who sucks the life force out of you. Which it sounds like he does, at least some of the time.
You said that things seem to get better with your H when you're not involved with the AP. This tells me that if you were to let go of the affair completely, you just may stand a chance at turning your marriage around. The choice is yours....leave your husband and go with this man that, by all appearances, certainly doesn't have your daughter's best interests in the forefront, who gets childish and pouts when things don't go his way, that ignores your wishes and your requests, that wasn't concerned with the fact that you were broken down on the highway with a flat tire (bet your husband would have come), but was more concerned that he wasn't getting what he wanted. Or stay with someone you say is a good friend and father. I don't the whole story of your marriage, so I don't know what the sex life is like. But if he's a decent man and you love him, then I would really, truly give the marriage a chance again and forget Little Lord Fauntleroy. But that's just me.
Ok, when I say "GO" you Ruuuuuuuunnnnnnn away fast, and far! This guy sounds very unstable. Think about it. How many men do you know that cry because you got a flat, and couldn't make it? If you think things are rough now, wait until he relaxes and you see his entire needy, clingy, insecure, self doubting, and absolutely emotionally draining personality.
Seriously, this guy is damaged goods. When he has you all to himself, your daughter will be next on his list of people to distance you from. You won't have any friends, and you will become distant from your family. Trust Me! I have been there and done that, I bought the t-shirt, I just don't wear it.
If you want to leave your H because the M is dead, than handle your business, BUT DO NOT LEAVE YOUR H FOR ANY AP! BTDT too. I don't know if your M is salvageable, but try, because no man will love your DD quite like her daddy will. But even if you decide to go, loose psycho boy first. Don't keep any rabbits in the backyard, or they may end up in a pot on your stove.
One last thing, if your H doesn't know about your A, you may start to consider what you will say if AP goes wacko, and contacts him, or worse shows up at your house. I have a feeling he might be hard to get rid of. Good luck Sweetie, you are going to need it. Keep us posted.
I would not want to be in your situation. Sounds like what he wants / expects in an A is different from what you want and need. His type of 'love' is, IMHO, not love at all. Instead of giving you space and the freedom to manage your priorities, he demands your space and insists on being ahead of everything else in your life.
I have A's because of things lacking in my marriage. I would not want an AP who makes more problems instead of giving me breaks from my problems at home. In your situation I would tell AP to take a hike.
((((initurmoil)))) I do feel for you... sorry if I sound critical.
jana
noone can tell you what to do in this situation..but, being from the single side of things...i would consider everyone who
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
He sounds immature, unreasonable, rather self-centered and needy. If you find all of this good traits in a mate, then by all means, go for it. I wouldn't. A good partner is one that is supportive, not someone who sucks the life force out of you. Which it sounds like he does, at least some of the time.
You said that things seem to get better with your H when you're not involved with the AP. This tells me that if you were to let go of the affair completely, you just may stand a chance at turning your marriage around. The choice is yours....leave your husband and go with this man that, by all appearances, certainly doesn't have your daughter's best interests in the forefront, who gets childish and pouts when things don't go his way, that ignores your wishes and your requests, that wasn't concerned with the fact that you were broken down on the highway with a flat tire (bet your husband would have come), but was more concerned that he wasn't getting what he wanted. Or stay with someone you say is a good friend and father. I don't the whole story of your marriage, so I don't know what the sex life is like. But if he's a decent man and you love him, then I would really, truly give the marriage a chance again and forget Little Lord Fauntleroy. But that's just me.
Ok, when I say "GO" you Ruuuuuuuunnnnnnn away fast, and far! This guy sounds very unstable. Think about it. How many men do you know that cry because you got a flat, and couldn't make it? If you think things are rough now, wait until he relaxes and you see his entire needy, clingy, insecure, self doubting, and absolutely emotionally draining personality.
Seriously, this guy is damaged goods. When he has you all to himself, your daughter will be next on his list of people to distance you from. You won't have any friends, and you will become distant from your family. Trust Me! I have been there and done that, I bought the t-shirt, I just don't wear it.
If you want to leave your H because the M is dead, than handle your business, BUT DO NOT LEAVE YOUR H FOR ANY AP! BTDT too. I don't know if your M is salvageable, but try, because no man will love your DD quite like her daddy will. But even if you decide to go, loose psycho boy first. Don't keep any rabbits in the backyard, or they may end up in a pot on your stove.
One last thing, if your H doesn't know about your A, you may start to consider what you will say if AP goes wacko, and contacts him, or worse shows up at your house. I have a feeling he might be hard to get rid of. Good luck Sweetie, you are going to need it. Keep us posted.
Ok.......GO!