Needing advice on separation
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Needing advice on separation
| Thu, 10-30-2008 - 11:51am |
I'm new at all this, but I've been married for 26 years and over those years on and off I've been very unhappy with my spouse/life, etc....

All the sneaking around and the lying and cheating you're doing is probably causing more damaged to your H and family. Your H and kids now probably are blaming themselves for your unhappiness and discontent. I think the most humane thing to do is to get it out and done with. Be honest and let everyone (H, kids, your mother, father, etc.) know that you want out of your M. You're not happy and can't live with that kind of life anymore.
Get a legal separation and ask for a time-out from your AP. You need to spend all this time really analyzing what you want. I must caution you, it's not wise to leave your M for your AP. Leaving must be something you do for YOU! You also don't want a D-day to force you to make drastic decisions.
Your living a double life is not fair to your H. He's going to feel even worse if he finds out you've been doping him behind his back. He also needs to be with someone who loves him and wants to be there for him.
Good luck.
Hi there and welcome to the board,
I'm not sure that I have any advice for you but I do know where you're coming from.
I was married for almost 25 years when I got together with my AP/BF and I knew right away that my marriage was over. I'm afraid I went about everything the total wrong way (is there ever a right way?) and confessed my A to a close friend. I know now that I knew she would rat on me and of course she did...pretty much right to my H. I feel really terrible about the way it happened but I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew that my marriage was over and I wanted to tell him but my AP/BF did NOT want me to confess and talked me out of it. The fact that I was living a double life wore heavily on me and that's why I eventually confessed to said friend. H moved out pretty quick and has since left our province as well...I am also still with my AP/BF. It's been almost 14 months now and it is still so up and down, I often wonder...what have I done? But, I am in love with him and I did leave my M because of him, even though that is definitely not recommended.
I wish you the best of luck.
benska
I sense your frustration. I