Well my MM plays golf big time . So at least we know we are not seeing the same person .that would really suck . LOL LOL
My MM is younger he is 35 years old , but sure acts like an old man .
Thanks for your B-day hug . It did add a smile to my face ;-) ;-)
Yeah I know those chest pains .... but when I write they go away .
Nothing that I can think of happened . His last email to me was .....
"Hey how are u? Hope you had a good day. I played golf today, the weather was
great and I played pretty well.
It does not look good for the 15th. I have to take clients to the All-Star
game and it going to be impossible to sneak away. I'm sorry...it could have
been fun!
Hopefully your not working tonight:)
Good nite!"
My answer to him ..............
"I am doing well ...........although missing you ;-(
Glad to hear you had a good day and good golf ;-)
I understand about the 15th . Yes it could have been fun.
oh well I hope you will find another time to meet sometime .......until then I'll just have to .......well you know ;-)
Yes working tonight .leaving in an hour .
Btw did you get my email from Feb 4th ? thoughts ? ;-)
It was nice to see an email from you , it really added a smile to my face , even though we can't meet on the 15th
Have a great night and even a better day . xoxo "
So I am thinking ok maybe he is taking time to think about the email I sent on the 4th .
In that email I told him what I expect from this A .and if what I want doesn't work for him please let me know how he want this A to be or maybe not be .That we need to be on the same page about this A to make it work .
Now I know he got that email . He sent me the email above the day after I sent him this email. So he acted like nothing is wrong , but ignored questions I had for him ..........again as he always does when I seem to want to discuss this issue
Another strange thing I find is when he says - "Hopefully your not working tonight" ;-)
Well of course I have to work . No one pays my bills . Like he is jealous I have to work because in my job I meet many new people and like he is worried I will find someone else .
Even if a month passes by I will still probably want to ask him *why*
That will only pass if my desire to be with him passes . and I don't think that will happen anytime soon ;-(
Thanks for your support , yes it helps . Hope I don't break down before the month is up and send him that email ( yes I already wrote it LOL LOL )
I will keep busy with my life and reading/posting on this board to keep me from sending the email . Hope you guys don't mind my rambling .
Thanks for being here for me . Hope I can do the same for you .
and Girl Friend , please go take a ME day , hugs , ViperDiva
Hi Viper, I too went thru a long period of NC with my MM, started by him. And at the time I had no idea why or if and when it would end.
He ended up NC'ing me for about 8-1/2 weeks. Then one day, out the blue when I was just starting to think things were totally over, he got in touch again.
He said he had health problems, work and home were busy. And he thought he needed a break. Needless to say that did not sit well with me, but I did take him back again.
This happened around our 2 year "anniversary". Although nothing was mentioned, I think at the back of his mind there could have been some guilt there, thinking about how long we've been seeing each other, which is quite a long time really.
Anyways, I guess he got over it and we've been seeing each other since (that happened this past fall).
Things are pretty good between us, but still I worry that is going to happen again. And I think it may. So you just have to get thru this and if you want to see him again, decide when you hear from him. Its the toughest thing to get thru, NC, but you can do it and have to. At least wait a month (I did) then just send a small message such as "thinking about you, hope everything is okay". But no weepy, begging type of things. Take care,
I think your advice is great , thanks . Thanks for sharing your story I now understand it isn't just me . Looks like some MM just act like that and maybe part of being in an A is having to put up with this type of getting close then pulling back . I am just not used to this .
This is what I want to email him when a months passes by , what do you think ?
"Hope all is well .
Well it has been a month since I last heard from you . If you wanted our friendship to end , all you had to do was say so ........ I guess things at home are not as bad as you said they are ........... or something else , but of course how can I know you don't talk to me ;-( "
Or should I just stick to what you said -"thinking about you, hope everything is okay".
See I did once before email him , hope all is well , haven't heard from you , miss you .( it was after the new year and I didn't hear from him for about 3 weeks ) That was it . Yes the same day I got back - Oh sorry , I will call tomorrow ......
of course he didn't call . I waited a week , then sent email - I thought you were going to call .
Then he called !
But I hate it that I feel I have to ask him to call and I told him that . But yet he continues to do this to me . There was only one time I can think of that he called me when I wasn't even expecting him to . I expressed to him how happy it makes me when he calls on his own ........... but yet he doesn't .
It feels like he wants me , but doesn't ...but when I hint that this may be over because of NC he calls to keep me around . This A is harder then I thought it would be ........
I am dying to contact him now , I want to know what is his problem .but probably no point in asking , he'll just give me a lame excuse .busy . busy . Sorry but when you are on the way home from work alone in your car , you can take a moment to call .....but I don't want to have to nag or complain
I know what you mean about this was not what you expected out of the A. I didn't expect to be put on a long NC either. Especially since he had also just said something before that like, talk to you tomorrow, or see you next week or something to that effect.
Your message you're thinking about sending sounds pretty good. I think I sent something pretty similar to that. I didn't say anything about his life at home, but just something about "I don't know if your okay or just really busy or what but if you ever want to get together again, you know where to find me".
Then I pretty well left it at that.
And he came back to me. And he's been pretty good since then with staying in touch since then, we're back to our usual of emailing or IM'ing back and forth all day long.
I know MM is basically a really decent and good guy, and he's never said so, but I think maybe MM feels a little guilty sometimes and perhaps feels like he's getting a little too attached to me. And he doesn't feel that's right maybe, because after all we're supposed to be just in a sexual relationship, there's no talk of love between us.
We have said in the past we were fond of each other. And we leave it at that.
I do feel he completes a part of my life that is missing and I really missed him alot when I didn't have him for so long, not even to talk to.
I would say, give him the month, send your message and wait and see what happens.
If I have to go thru this again though, I don't know what I would do the next time. I'm just hoping there aren't any more long gaps I don't know if I can stand going thru it all again!!
Yes looks like we go though the same things . How we feel and react is the same thing .....you understand me so well . Your right "While we feel rejected, sad and depressed, they go on in a more normal way. " ... I should just try harder to also care less . If he calls he calls , if he doesn't well whatever !!
It has only been two weeks , but it feels like forever .
I know I also need to tone down my sarcasm . When I get mad or upset I become very sarcastic , I don't think he likes that . and your right the remark ."well I guess everything at home isn't as bad as you said" I say because of my anger .Thanks for bringing it to my attention and taking the time to give your advice .
Thanks for being here . Hope you had a great day hugs , Viper
I see what you are saying . Yes the R is suppose to be just sexual . I don't have feelings of inlove for him . I am fine with sex but just want some friendship with that . Just as my friends call me once in awhile . I don't except daily emails and phone calls . I just want to feel he is a friend . Maybe he can't handle that because he has said to me a few times "emotions are getting involved" I said emotions ? what are you talking about ?
He told me about an A he had before he met me and that with me things are different
I asked what did he mean by that ? Of course I never got an answer .
it would just be easier if he would come out and say - Look I need right now NC because I am feeling that I am getting to attached . Then no problem I would give him his space .
But to get one night a nice email then just nothing , not knowing what is going on is just hard.
Thanks for your support and advice it does help get through this hard times . Hugs , Viper
Pages
Mitzy
Thanx a lot, was really nice to hear from you!!
Mankella ,
Well my MM plays golf big time . So at least we know we are not seeing the same person .that would really suck . LOL LOL
My MM is younger he is 35 years old , but sure acts like an old man .
Thanks for your B-day hug . It did add a smile to my face ;-) ;-)
Yeah I know those chest pains .... but when I write they go away .
Nothing that I can think of happened . His last email to me was .....
"Hey how are u? Hope you had a good day. I played golf today, the weather was
great and I played pretty well.
It does not look good for the 15th. I have to take clients to the All-Star
game and it going to be impossible to sneak away. I'm sorry...it could have
been fun!
Hopefully your not working tonight:)
Good nite!"
My answer to him ..............
"I am doing well ...........although missing you ;-(
Glad to hear you had a good day and good golf ;-)
I understand about the 15th . Yes it could have been fun.
oh well I hope you will find another time to meet sometime .......until then I'll just have to .......well you know ;-)
Yes working tonight .leaving in an hour .
Btw did you get my email from Feb 4th ? thoughts ? ;-)
It was nice to see an email from you , it really added a smile to my face , even though we can't meet on the 15th
Have a great night and even a better day . xoxo "
So I am thinking ok maybe he is taking time to think about the email I sent on the 4th .
In that email I told him what I expect from this A .and if what I want doesn't work for him please let me know how he want this A to be or maybe not be .That we need to be on the same page about this A to make it work .
Now I know he got that email . He sent me the email above the day after I sent him this email. So he acted like nothing is wrong , but ignored questions I had for him ..........again as he always does when I seem to want to discuss this issue
Another strange thing I find is when he says - "Hopefully your not working tonight" ;-)
Well of course I have to work . No one pays my bills . Like he is jealous I have to work because in my job I meet many new people and like he is worried I will find someone else .
Even if a month passes by I will still probably want to ask him *why*
That will only pass if my desire to be with him passes . and I don't think that will happen anytime soon ;-(
Thanks for your support , yes it helps . Hope I don't break down before the month is up and send him that email ( yes I already wrote it LOL LOL )
I will keep busy with my life and reading/posting on this board to keep me from sending the email . Hope you guys don't mind my rambling .
Thanks for being here for me . Hope I can do the same for you .
and Girl Friend , please go take a ME day , hugs , ViperDiva
xoxo ViperDiva
He ended up NC'ing me for about 8-1/2 weeks. Then one day, out the blue when I was just starting to think things were totally over, he got in touch again.
He said he had health problems, work and home were busy. And he thought he needed a break. Needless to say that did not sit well with me, but I did take him back again.
This happened around our 2 year "anniversary". Although nothing was mentioned, I think at the back of his mind there could have been some guilt there, thinking about how long we've been seeing each other, which is quite a long time really.
Anyways, I guess he got over it and we've been seeing each other since (that happened this past fall).
Things are pretty good between us, but still I worry that is going to happen again. And I think it may. So you just have to get thru this and if you want to see him again, decide when you hear from him. Its the toughest thing to get thru, NC, but you can do it and have to. At least wait a month (I did) then just send a small message such as "thinking about you, hope everything is okay". But no weepy, begging type of things. Take care,
Dusty
I think your advice is great , thanks . Thanks for sharing your story I now understand it isn't just me . Looks like some MM just act like that and maybe part of being in an A is having to put up with this type of getting close then pulling back . I am just not used to this .
This is what I want to email him when a months passes by , what do you think ?
"Hope all is well .
Well it has been a month since I last heard from you . If you wanted our friendship to end , all you had to do was say so ........ I guess things at home are not as bad as you said they are ........... or something else , but of course how can I know you don't talk to me ;-( "
Or should I just stick to what you said -"thinking about you, hope everything is okay".
See I did once before email him , hope all is well , haven't heard from you , miss you .( it was after the new year and I didn't hear from him for about 3 weeks ) That was it . Yes the same day I got back - Oh sorry , I will call tomorrow ......
of course he didn't call . I waited a week , then sent email - I thought you were going to call .
Then he called !
But I hate it that I feel I have to ask him to call and I told him that . But yet he continues to do this to me . There was only one time I can think of that he called me when I wasn't even expecting him to . I expressed to him how happy it makes me when he calls on his own ........... but yet he doesn't .
It feels like he wants me , but doesn't ...but when I hint that this may be over because of NC he calls to keep me around . This A is harder then I thought it would be ........
I am dying to contact him now , I want to know what is his problem .but probably no point in asking , he'll just give me a lame excuse .busy . busy . Sorry but when you are on the way home from work alone in your car , you can take a moment to call .....but I don't want to have to nag or complain
This is not how I pictured this A .
xoxo ViperDiva
Edited 2/22/2004 8:07:12 AM ET by mankella
Your message you're thinking about sending sounds pretty good. I think I sent something pretty similar to that. I didn't say anything about his life at home, but just something about "I don't know if your okay or just really busy or what but if you ever want to get together again, you know where to find me".
Then I pretty well left it at that.
And he came back to me. And he's been pretty good since then with staying in touch since then, we're back to our usual of emailing or IM'ing back and forth all day long.
I know MM is basically a really decent and good guy, and he's never said so, but I think maybe MM feels a little guilty sometimes and perhaps feels like he's getting a little too attached to me. And he doesn't feel that's right maybe, because after all we're supposed to be just in a sexual relationship, there's no talk of love between us.
We have said in the past we were fond of each other. And we leave it at that.
I do feel he completes a part of my life that is missing and I really missed him alot when I didn't have him for so long, not even to talk to.
I would say, give him the month, send your message and wait and see what happens.
If I have to go thru this again though, I don't know what I would do the next time. I'm just hoping there aren't any more long gaps I don't know if I can stand going thru it all again!!
Dusty
Yes looks like we go though the same things . How we feel and react is the same thing .....you understand me so well . Your right "While we feel rejected, sad and depressed, they go on in a more normal way. " ... I should just try harder to also care less . If he calls he calls , if he doesn't well whatever !!
It has only been two weeks , but it feels like forever .
I know I also need to tone down my sarcasm . When I get mad or upset I become very sarcastic , I don't think he likes that . and your right the remark ."well I guess everything at home isn't as bad as you said" I say because of my anger .Thanks for bringing it to my attention and taking the time to give your advice .
Thanks for being here . Hope you had a great day hugs , Viper
xoxo ViperDiva
I see what you are saying . Yes the R is suppose to be just sexual . I don't have feelings of inlove for him . I am fine with sex but just want some friendship with that . Just as my friends call me once in awhile . I don't except daily emails and phone calls . I just want to feel he is a friend . Maybe he can't handle that because he has said to me a few times "emotions are getting involved" I said emotions ? what are you talking about ?
He told me about an A he had before he met me and that with me things are different
I asked what did he mean by that ? Of course I never got an answer .
it would just be easier if he would come out and say - Look I need right now NC because I am feeling that I am getting to attached . Then no problem I would give him his space .
But to get one night a nice email then just nothing , not knowing what is going on is just hard.
Thanks for your support and advice it does help get through this hard times . Hugs , Viper
xoxo ViperDiva
Edited 2/22/2004 8:08:06 AM ET by mankella
Pages