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Registered: 12-31-1969
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Thu, 09-13-2012 - 12:46am
I can't even believe I'm here. I've fantasized about an A for the longest time. One night while my husband was out, just for some fun I signed onto Ashley Madison. Not sure what I thought it would bring. I mostly wanted to chat with guys and have someone find me desirable as a woman like I haven't felt in years. So, I chatted a few guys up. This one, we emailed then IMed that night. Exchanged pictures. He's attractive, thought the same of me. Our chat that first night turned naughty...which is something I had never done before. I guess it happened so naturally I felt ok about it. We made plans to meet up the following weekend. In the morning, I backed out, saying wasn't sure what I was thinking. He said lets take it slow. He's had affairs and flings before, and I have not. We've chatted and emailed now for several weeks. I emailed with a few others, but none were impressive. This one is different. I feel a genuine connection. He says he does too, and we plan to meet next week. Just lunch. We also have tentative plans to meet for a night in another month. He makes me feel like no other. He's everything I want in an A. He is smart, educated, kind. Heck, he'd be perfect if not for the fact he cheats on his wife! He turns me on like nothing ive ever felt. What I want to know....does online chat usually go this way? Building it up into a perfect fantasy? Is he for real, or does he probably act this way to other girls all the time? Is it worth the risk? Neither of us are interested in leaving spouses, just want to make each other feel good. He makes me feel good emotionally and physically. I don't know what to think. Am I getting played?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:31am

He turns me on like nothing ive ever felt.It's normal, it's your first time.

What I want to know....does online chat usually go this way? Yes it does.

Building it up into a perfect fantasy? Exactly right!

Is he for real, or does he probably act this way to other girls all the time? He has said already that he has had As and flings. It doesn't take much to build that attraction.

Is it worth the risk? Depends on what you invest and what you perceive as risk.

Neither of us are interested in leaving spouses, just want to make each other feel good. He makes me feel good emotionally and physically. I don't know what to think.Am I getting played?

Played? What does that mean? You're in love? If yes, then you'll be heartbroken, otherwise, does it matter whether you're played or not? It makes you feel good, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:37am

There's no way to really know this guy or his intentions so soon.  I don't mean to be a spoil sport, it's just that you sound a bit vulnerable right now & if you're already having feelings and decide to go through with meeting, you have to know there's a good chance you'll get hurt.  If you can go into it with the mindset of a passionate fling, go for it.  Maybe the best thing to do is meet for lunch & see how you feel about him in person, then discuss ground rules right off the bat so you can decide if it's worth it or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:44am
Gggb1975 wrote:
 Am I getting played?


You're in this for the feel goods, and so is he, and you're both getting that, no one is being played here, all cards have been laid out on the table with BOTH of you playing the same game.

Be careful and enjoy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 10:21am
pleases32 wrote:

"Laid" is such an interesting word.

:smileywink:

LOL, so is 'pleases' :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
In reply to: sonyut
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 11:59am
You're right to take it slow and just meet for lunch. Fellow AM'er here and I've heard numerous stories where women have met men from AM only to be let down (putting it politely) due to the guys skewing the weight and age numbers. Also how you connect with someone through instant messenger is totally different than how they are in person sometimes. I'm glad you've found some new life in an area that has been long ignored by your spouse, just be cautious and don't over analyze it. If you fall in love, you lose. Remember he's had affairs before and while you're probably unique in your own way, you might end up like the rest of those affairs. So take it slow, realize what you're in for, and again - don't over analyze it. Keep it simple and enjoy your time with him. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 11:22am
Hi, this man is telling you everything you need to hear. If you listen you will know exactly what you are getting yourself into. You are not his first affair and you won't be his last.

As for what is the norm for meeting on AM, that totally depends on the people. Perhaps he loves the chase and the conquest. Perhaps he loves your vulnerability and the idea of opening up your eyes to this world. It could be many things.

Your emotions are wrapped into this, and it will be tough for you to seperate that. Be careful, very careful.

~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 12:07am

No many, many are never detected by any of the BSs.  Mine never were. 

I think the best way to keep your head is to remind yourself what LOVE is.  Love isn't just a feeling.  Love is knowing a person, warts and all.  Love is the person you can share any thought in your head with, and not feel stupid or embarrassed.  Love is spending time together and working together to overcome trials and tribulations in daily life.  

I would also suggest that you do not let yourself run away with fantasies.  It is really bad to let yourself start dreaming of the emotional things you will long for.  Fantasizing about them is letting them come to life in your head, and it is hard to kill those dreams when you have given them a place to grow in your mind.  

That said, you have done this before so we don't have to warn you too much, do we?  

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
In reply to:
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:16pm

wow!  You could have been me writing that post!!

I met my AP on AM nearly 3 years ago.  Our A remains good because we will NOT fall in love with each other.  We talk and text every day.  We see each other at least once a week.  We've been lucky to get to go away together and spend a few wonderful nights. 

Please if you already think you're in LOVE with this guy, then you should back away from the situation and straighten out your head.  Getting physical with this guy is only gonna really mess with your head. 

This guy is obviously a serial cheater (so is my AP).  Be careful or you will wind up VERY hurt!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
In reply to:
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:41pm
Everytime I think of ap and think he is being genuine, I remind myself that I am not the first nor will be the last. Be very careful!!! He knows what he is doing and relying on the fact that you don't. Keep your eyes and mind open. Good luck!

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
In reply to:
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:42pm

 

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