New to This

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
New to This
4
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:39am
I have recently started dating a MM. I had never done this before, but he gave me the line about how unhappy he is at home. I really didn't expect it to go anywhere, but it has blossomed into an amazing relationship. However, I am not sure if I am being a fool, or actually have someone who cares for me.

We started dating in December. I was home for two weeks at Christmas (I work out of town during the week) and we saw each other every day. He would come over at lunch and immediately after getting off work. He even managed to spend time with me on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I see him every Friday night after he gets off work, before and after work on Saturday (sometimes he spends the night), and most of the day on Sunday. We talk at least ten times a day. He tells me he loves me and how much he wants to be with me.

He has children that are "the reason he stays", however, he has recently started making suggestions about leaving his wife for good to be with me. I really do want this. I love him very much and want to be a part of his life. But, I don't want to just set myself up for heartbreak. He even spent Valentine's Day with me and took me to dinner. I am just curious to get some opinions on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
In reply to: sarah75701
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:08pm
I really don't know what to say. He was able to see you Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, stay the night, AND take you to dinner on V's Day?! If you read the posts in here that is pretty uncommon! Some of us were lucky to get a phone call on those days! I was fortunate enough to get V's day also, but who knows, maybe he really will leave her?! I am kind of in the same boat as you. My MM has been staying "for the kids" and is "in the process of breaking up with W". I guess you never really will know until he actually does it. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: sarah75701
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:09pm
Enjoy your MM and the relationship for all it's worth. I've been seeing my MM since October and it's been a wonderful whirlwind of a ride (one I don't ever want to get off of). Of course he is unhappy at home....that's why he's looking for love or fun (or hopefully, both) with you. Enjoy the time you have together and be careful of your heart. It can break quite easily!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: sarah75701
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:29pm
Dear Sarah, I'm pretty much a newcomer to the whole thing too. Just started the A about six months ago, with first physical contact a week ago. I decided early on, especially after reading so many of the posts here, that I would take the R for what it was worth -- how it made me feel, how much I care for him. Then I insisted that he NEVER talk about leaving his W. If he does that I want the decision to be totally independent from us. Otherwise, if he ends up sorry that he left he may somehow blame it on our R. It's tough, but that kind of wife talk is out of the question. Likewise, I never talk about leaving my H. Don't get me wrong... we are great friends and share the ups and downs of our relationships and lives. But we don't discuss leaving the spouse for each other. Don't know if we can keep it up, but that's a boundary that's working for us. Keep your wits about you and protect your heart. Remember... he's married so for him it's EXTRA-marital. It will always be that until D day, if that ever comes. If you just aren't happy thinking of it in those terms, I wouldn't become invested in the R to begin with. Good luck on your new adventure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: sarah75701
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:07pm
hey; you can read one of my posts to cantforgethim on what do you think of this? i was in a similar situation. Sure, he is showering you with affection. what you have to ask yourself, is this: they all say they are staying for the kids; now he says he's leaving her. So, that's pretty confusing in itself. A lot of times, the men will say they are leaving just to string you along. So i say, be careful. If the affair doesn't make you feel guilty, okay, but anything that makes you feel bad, or wrong about yourself, just don't do it. The one thing i asked myself before almost getting involved, but not going through with it, is, if he did this to his wife, why wouldn't he cheat on me? unless they had ultimate problems in the marriage, besides wanting to just "fool around". Like i posted already, be sure if you want that commitment, that the mm can follow through with it, and isn't just playing games. Sometimes they want their cake and eat it too. Then leave you feeling used. It's sad, but true. Some not all. So i say, just be careful. If you see it's getting serious, and going nowhere, that he's not leaving her, then i say kind of back off, and tell him you won't see him again until he leaves her. See how serious his talk is, then. That would be the smartest thing to do, if you find you want that commitment from him. I wish you the best of luck! use your head when following your heart. Okay?