new A

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
new A
14
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 5:40pm
Hi new to the board.. been flirting with a MW sister in law.. she is older than me.. but has been giving me vibes that she would like more.. i really like her.. and I am a MM.. we can keep things underwraps..we have been talking online for a long time and I would love to move to the next level.. I spend alot of my day thinking about her .. anyone with any thoughts they can shre with me?

thanks.. L.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:44am
hey 1333 -- sorry there's been no response to your post. there are a couple of other threads here on the board in which a couple of women are flirting with the idea of starting affairs with the brother of and/or brother-in-law of their Hs. bad, bad idea -- as is yours! you cannot keep the A "under wraps" forever and if something goes wrong between the two of you, you both still have to see each other at family gatherings, etc. you can't just walk away and never see each other again like two people who are not related by marriage.

please think seriously about backing off this potential family disaster. of course, the two of you taking the flirting "to the next level" would be fun for a bit, but eventually the rollercoaster emotions of an A will get to one or both of you and start to cause problems. that's a given! so, as another poster said on one of those other threads, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE - THE OTHER WAY!!

good luck,

gurl

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 1:56pm
Thanks Gurl for your post.. and thoughts.. we spoke last night myself and my w's sis and I decided to meet up this afternoon.. I don't know .. it might be the not best thing to do.. but i'm drwn in and can't wait to get my hands on her.. and hold her close.. she is on my mind 24/7

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 2:00pm
i understand, i really do.

be very, very careful!!

gurl




Edited 2/17/2004 9:58:01 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to:
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 4:55pm
Think long and hard before you do anything. My OM is my H's best friend who is as close to my H as a brother, always thought of OM as a brother in law. My A has been going on for 8 months and it has sent my world upside down. My emotions are all over the place. I have a hard time hiding my feelings when we are in social situations. I feel things for this man that I never felt with H and it is not just sex. We both know that we could never be more than a secret, this man is my daughter's godfather. If we got found out it would destroy my family. Every day I try to get the strength to end this but I feel too much for him. If you go for it be prepared for your life to change.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:18pm
thank you for the insights Gurl.. and i'm being very carefull... we met today .. we just kept up some conversation at 1st , and it took some time to get the courage.. but happy i did and we got our 1st kiss.. my mind is been thinking about 1 thing nonstop.. since .. its nuts...

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:26pm
listen to kew29! before you go any further (and there's no turning back once you do go "all the way"!) think really hard about what this A will do to your family if anyone even suspects the way you two feel about each other! once you cross that boundary with sex, it's incredibly hard to not look at each other, "accidently" brush up against each other, etc. at family get-togethers and eventually someone will notice!

be very, very careful!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:56pm
L33a - let me tell you from experience - this is the worse thing you can do to anyone.

My cousin Marie's H slept with her sister Julie, it completely destoyed their marriage, both of cousins, the kids, the whole family - everyone - literally - this happened 5 years ago and I'm beginning to realize nothing will ever be the same again. I know the attraction is so incredibly unbearable but if you have any love for your wife or her family then I would say don't do it. And if you don't have love for your wife then leave her and then hook up with SIL.

Both of my cousins are still in counseling as are Marie's 2 dd's. And all because he couldn't say no. I guess all affairs have the potential to do this - but when it's happens within a family the repercussions are so much worse.

Good Luck

Haley
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:21pm
hi gurl thanks for the post... I'm hearing what everyone is saying .. run run away.. and yet .. i can't... a little more backround.. I am 29 and she is 38.. i am married 4 years and its basicly ok..but NO kids.. she has 4 kids.. and from the 1st day came into the family she has been so kind to me.. but more so than normal and i have always been getting the vibes.. we are a very close family so at 1st it was not big deal b/c i figured it was just the way things worked.. and we could have a talk in private and no one would think anything of it nore arouse any suspictions.. but recently i have been thinking about her alot more.. and and i have a lot of feelings for her its incredible.. never thought i would and was hoping she felt the same.. so yesterday i took the risk and did a move.. and she responded in kind.. which has me mind realy racing.. and all i could think about is being with here more..

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:38pm
whew, you're 29 and no kids and she's 38 and 4 kids!! that's a lot of differences right there!

and being a man, i imagine you ARE thinking about pursuing this further since you just got the green light from the lady, but seriously, slow it down and really and truly think about it. if this A proceeds and you and she have a few of those "private" conversations at family gatherings, it won't take much for someone to observe the space invasions people who are intimate experience when they are together and there will be gossip and talk, which will, in turn, lead to more intense observation of the two of you and god knows what else! it could get very very ugly and end up costing both of you alot more than you bargained for. and especially if the A ends badly and you both have to be around each other when you're hurt, angry, whatever!

it's a powder keg with a short fuse!

gurl

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:44pm
your making sense.. logicly , but i'm sure you know at this point.. logic doesn't enter my mind.. dunno .. i just want here badly.. we just spoke on the phone and we're meeting soon.. we'll see what happens...

L

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