new to all of this and soo confused!
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new to all of this and soo confused!
| Tue, 03-31-2009 - 12:29am |
I just want to start off by saying that this is totally out of character for me. I am engaged to an alcoholic that I have been on and off with for 4 years. He says he loves me and will change after we get married but how can I trust that... and my lack of confidence

hi Red and welcome, Firstly what stood out in your post is that your engaged, so therefore not married. Im by no way saying that the love or commitment is not their with your fiance but what i do say is to go with caution if you intend to marry your fiance on the basis that you beleive he will change. Your fiance obviously has issues that need to be resolved, if he is a alchoholic and he says he will change when your married then why not now. If that
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
I second Sugarandspice's post with this additional: I think that an A with this new person is a transition only. If that is what you need to leave an addict then do so with your eyes wide open that this is also not likely to be perm.
I just wanted to reply to the beginning of your post.
I agree with everyone here. I, too, was married to an alcoholic. Can't tell you how many times he promised and vowed and swore he'd give it up. And he did. For short periods of time, only to come back with a vengeance. He even went to outpatient treatment once when we were together. What a joke that was. He only did it to help him in court for a DUI charge. He didn't stay sober, didn't change a damn thing. And I knew he was a drunk before I married him. Stupid me, and stupid you, if you continue on in this relationship as he is now.
I, too, got involved in an affair as an escape from my marriage. Sure, it was fun in the beginning, but in the long run, a huge mistake and the catalyst to the end of my life as I knew it. I got divorced and my whole life changed. Not that all of that is bad, but if I had it to do over, I would have chosen differently.
You are in a perfect place to change course right now if you would like to, since you are engaged vs. married.