New and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2005
New and confused
3
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 3:40pm
deleted


Edited 11/11/2008 10:38 pm ET by hkmcoleman
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2008
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 5:08pm

I think we, as women, have this tendency to just give, give, give until there is no more "me". And while we are doing that our husbands start thinking of us as their mothers or something. You mentioned patting him on the head while he made all his mistakes and did everything he wanted to do. I have done the same thing for my husband and I have finally realized how wrong that is. It's great that you are trying to rebuild your marriage, but I'm pretty sure that everyone here will tell you the same thing: You have to end things with the other man while you work on your marriage. It's not nice to hear but it's the truth and I think you already knew that, didn't you?


BTW, I saw on the results of your affair thread that the other guy just came out of a 10 year relationship just a year ago. Is his current gf his rebound? I think he needs to find the courage to leave her and stand on his own for a while so he can work through his own feelings, in which case you would need to leave him alone anyway.


I hope I have been at least a little bit of help. (((hugs))) to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 4:46am

You should never leave your M for the OM. That is a recipe for disaster. If your M is fixable, fix it. If it isn't and you don't want to be there any more, then you need to leave, but you need to leave for you. There are so many reasons that leaving because there is someone else waiting is a bad idea. There are so many people who can get so badly hurt that way, yourself included. You need to discover what it is you want. What it is that makes you happy and then you can set about finding it. Nobody else can make you happy, it must come from within. If you really do want to be with your AP then end you M, and take things very slowly and build a R with him after you are free.

Pisces


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pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 4:17pm
If you really think that you are in love with the man, then you need to tell your husband, no amount of "working on your marriage" will make that go away. You stated that you have 2 children if you are unhappy then staying unhappy will be harder on them than moving on and being happy.