Welcome, Mankella... sounds like you're really going through it. Well you came to the right place. It's so tough -- but you have extra barriers (different countries -- sheesh!) to overcome. You'll hear this alot around here, but decide whether it makes you happier in or happier out. It's just a matter of percentages, unfortunately. I think the best advise is to take control yourself. Someone very wise (*smile* for gurl) told me today that I needed to take back my power... so do you, hon. Best of luck. We're here for you.
There are a lot of us un LDR (Long Distant Relations) that get to see MM once in a great big blue (or red) moon, LOL. And most of us here, okay, I will write for myself, I will tell you that even though the distance is HARD, there are things that keep us bound together even if we are not physically together. MY MM would tell you, that even though he is physically together more with his DW, he is in thought and speaks more with me. You understand. Some of us have been able to allow the spirits, souls, or whatever you want to call them, continue to stay together even though countries, time zones, etc. seperate us, also my case.
Oh, I do want to see him, and touch him, but the distance has made us discover that we can often feel each other, without being together. And this, both of us would tell you, is sometimes the strangest thing in the world, something we are still trying to understand, and we wonder if we ever will. I have no idea when I will SEE him again, but I see him all the time in the things around me. (smile)
Victor Hugo wrote...
Separated lovers cheat absence by a thousand fancies which have their own reality. They are prevented from seeing one another and they cannot write; nevertheless they find countless mysterious ways of corresponding, by sending each other the song of birds, the scent of flowers, the laughter of children, the light of the sun, the sighing of the wind, and the gleam of the stars-all the beauties of creation.
For us, this is ever so true... does not mean I HATE it sometimes!! Maybe others of us in LDA will tell you different.. No advice, enjoy what you can have, treasuring it above all, as I know I could not imagine another minute of my life with out him 'in' it.
Lucky because you have gotten me in one of my calmer curves! LOL
What I said is true, to true, but I also know that just a couple of months ago, I was screaming from the pain it brings to both of us, and not just us as a couple, but as two beautiful people married to two beautiful people, because they are too.
As for my story, I am very discrete about writing that out, as you never know who is listening, (wink, wink). But I can safely say, that he, MM has brought me alive and he is helping me build ME and my life, and he deserves to have every bit of me I can give. AND there is always hope, that maybe our physical selves will get to be together... BUT, I do know, that our souls are, and that is good, great! He says that I have always been there over the years, but he just didn't know who I was; now we know.
Some where I read recently about twin souls, not quite the same as soulmates, someone even kind of mentioned it in a post not long ago. And maybe this is the explanation.. or will we ever know the reasons, or will we know them only in the years to come. I know now, that angels brought my soul to him, as I had 'died' inside. And he could tell you many reasons I am in his life too.
ONE sound advice I can give with distance.. is be OPEN, say it all. Actually we say it all. The insecurities, the pleasures even in our physcial (realistic) lives, as you can not forget that it is also a part of you, and the mutual pleasures we have, and there are many to be counted... BUT you must also learn where the limits are in reality. We have found ours, and let me tell you, it is hard to stick to them all the time. We have found what works for us now, as neither of us can change reality (DW & DH not to mention kids). But maybe with a little luck, the reality will change for us... who knows... I pray the God, or gods will allow it...
As for him wanting to distance you when apart... good luck, because absence does make the heart grow fonder. Work on setting your life as a couple, making sure it fits into reality. Set up codes and define them so the other understands immeadiately, what is in your mind. AND enjoy.. two weeks, you are so lucky, and there will be more than a few of jealous of that...
You are most welcome! We have found, that it has helped tremendously with the emotions that both of us go through, to have found where each 'chapter' must be arranged in our book of life. We also have no one better to talk to, then each other about how we feel, and how to work through it. We have been through all those 'first' emotions that make the rollercoaster so hard to ride. And, I believe after a year's time of daily work to make it come together, we may finally be finding a certain calm. The Buddists, believe we must find temporary solutions for the final goal. This is ours, The ying and the yang.
We have OUR world, it is very detailed. We have our place, our home. It is decorated, there are the gardens full of arriving Spring flowers... It is not finished, as only a few things have been defined. Yes it is NOT real physically, but do not tell our souls that, because for them, it is real. It is the most wonderful place. We have music, that we listen to there, that both of us have in the real world. We even put the music on when we are chatting, to feel even more. And occassionally, I pick up his clothes.. although we have no bedroom yet... LOL!!!
Ever seen the film DAD, he has a stroke, and a double life that he has completely imagined through out is existance reveals itself... well, it is a little like this. Yes, it does sound like I need mental help, LOL, but really, we can not have long walks or talks physically, so for both of us, this is our way of building our real world... And our world has no limits..
Gosh rereading that, made me realise how much we have done 'together'. There is definitely a mutual adoration here... And I will scream from the roof when we define that one, just how much he has done for me, to give me the desire to discover myself, to be free in that little world of ours... NO ONE could understand the all of it, we do not ask anymore... And you see, if you really communicate, you may find, that your souls were communicating at the same time... and then things get very strangely cosmic....
LOL & Have a great weekend too! And do not hesitate to lurk here, these people have been the reason for my sanity often, sometimes a little sentence, can be the world of help..
Mitzy
Where in Europe? fish& chips, bratwurst, baguette, gellato, tapas??
MAS is the only place I have been able to scream my happiness or sadness, depending on the curve. The People here, are wonderful, and usually very caring ones.
Dear Mankella,
As for the relationship, it is not a bed of roses either when the rollercoaster is whipping through the fields. We have our rounds, and that is not easy either (had one last night). BUT I need him, and I he. It is not a question of destroying each others marriages as a lurker so blankly pointed out. I help him stay, and vice versa. WE do imagine a day together, but not before the kids are older. I can not take the kids from DH, and can not ask MM to leave his wife or kids. THESE ARE CHOICES that we will NOT make now. He wanted to sweep me away, he still does, but that is off bounds. He can tell me in our place, how much he cares, and vice versa, but no where else.
I have learned to live with the NC periods which are weekends, and vacations. As long as the EMR/A is LD, and even when it is not, you will have to accept these times. Immagine you were a married couple living apart as many of those men on the oil rigs are, or whatever. It is the same concept. I am not trying to give you reason to continue, just opening your eyes. I have read your commits on the other side, as you got my curiousity going. THE choice is YOURS!!!!
For NC, we try to SMS at night, knowing the phone is off, and I am alone in the mornings to turn it on, making sure it is silent doing so, got it? AS for communicating, we do chat daily, not always easy time wise, different zones, but it works. And we have learned not to worry, we will always get in contact when we can, it is part of the deal. It was hard in the begining, it is the insecurity factor of not being or ever being, number 1. His DW and his kids are, I come in later. BUT secretly in our place.. I am his, and he is mine.. that simple..
It is not because you have one more person to love, that you have less love to give to the others, as on other message boards they may feel. Contrary, it is by loving more, that we have more to give.......
ok... challenge is on.... FLAGG! or or Fjord yogurts.. or Gosh, not expert.. you are welcome to contact me by email if you wish.. if you would like. Your secrets will be safe with me... and you sound like you could use a basket case too. I check mail about twice a day. IT IS SAFE... your choice. I tried to email you, but no address, there is no commitment either, if you do.
Edited 2/22/2004 8:11:15 AM ET by mankella
There are a lot of us un LDR (Long Distant Relations) that get to see MM once in a great big blue (or red) moon, LOL. And most of us here, okay, I will write for myself, I will tell you that even though the distance is HARD, there are things that keep us bound together even if we are not physically together. MY MM would tell you, that even though he is physically together more with his DW, he is in thought and speaks more with me. You understand. Some of us have been able to allow the spirits, souls, or whatever you want to call them, continue to stay together even though countries, time zones, etc. seperate us, also my case.
Oh, I do want to see him, and touch him, but the distance has made us discover that we can often feel each other, without being together. And this, both of us would tell you, is sometimes the strangest thing in the world, something we are still trying to understand, and we wonder if we ever will. I have no idea when I will SEE him again, but I see him all the time in the things around me. (smile)
Victor Hugo wrote...
Separated lovers cheat absence by a thousand fancies which have their own reality. They are prevented from seeing one another and they cannot write; nevertheless they find countless mysterious ways of corresponding, by sending each other the song of birds, the scent of flowers, the laughter of children, the light of the sun, the sighing of the wind, and the gleam of the stars-all the beauties of creation.
For us, this is ever so true... does not mean I HATE it sometimes!! Maybe others of us in LDA will tell you different.. No advice, enjoy what you can have, treasuring it above all, as I know I could not imagine another minute of my life with out him 'in' it.
Mitzy
Edited 2/22/2004 8:13:33 AM ET by mankella
What I said is true, to true, but I also know that just a couple of months ago, I was screaming from the pain it brings to both of us, and not just us as a couple, but as two beautiful people married to two beautiful people, because they are too.
As for my story, I am very discrete about writing that out, as you never know who is listening, (wink, wink). But I can safely say, that he, MM has brought me alive and he is helping me build ME and my life, and he deserves to have every bit of me I can give. AND there is always hope, that maybe our physical selves will get to be together... BUT, I do know, that our souls are, and that is good, great! He says that I have always been there over the years, but he just didn't know who I was; now we know.
Some where I read recently about twin souls, not quite the same as soulmates, someone even kind of mentioned it in a post not long ago. And maybe this is the explanation.. or will we ever know the reasons, or will we know them only in the years to come. I know now, that angels brought my soul to him, as I had 'died' inside. And he could tell you many reasons I am in his life too.
ONE sound advice I can give with distance.. is be OPEN, say it all. Actually we say it all. The insecurities, the pleasures even in our physcial (realistic) lives, as you can not forget that it is also a part of you, and the mutual pleasures we have, and there are many to be counted... BUT you must also learn where the limits are in reality. We have found ours, and let me tell you, it is hard to stick to them all the time. We have found what works for us now, as neither of us can change reality (DW & DH not to mention kids). But maybe with a little luck, the reality will change for us... who knows... I pray the God, or gods will allow it...
As for him wanting to distance you when apart... good luck, because absence does make the heart grow fonder. Work on setting your life as a couple, making sure it fits into reality. Set up codes and define them so the other understands immeadiately, what is in your mind. AND enjoy.. two weeks, you are so lucky, and there will be more than a few of jealous of that...
Hugs to you too... Mitzy
Edited 2/22/2004 8:14:28 AM ET by mankella
We have OUR world, it is very detailed. We have our place, our home. It is decorated, there are the gardens full of arriving Spring flowers... It is not finished, as only a few things have been defined. Yes it is NOT real physically, but do not tell our souls that, because for them, it is real. It is the most wonderful place. We have music, that we listen to there, that both of us have in the real world. We even put the music on when we are chatting, to feel even more. And occassionally, I pick up his clothes.. although we have no bedroom yet... LOL!!!
Ever seen the film DAD, he has a stroke, and a double life that he has completely imagined through out is existance reveals itself... well, it is a little like this. Yes, it does sound like I need mental help, LOL, but really, we can not have long walks or talks physically, so for both of us, this is our way of building our real world... And our world has no limits..
Gosh rereading that, made me realise how much we have done 'together'. There is definitely a mutual adoration here... And I will scream from the roof when we define that one, just how much he has done for me, to give me the desire to discover myself, to be free in that little world of ours... NO ONE could understand the all of it, we do not ask anymore... And you see, if you really communicate, you may find, that your souls were communicating at the same time... and then things get very strangely cosmic....
LOL & Have a great weekend too! And do not hesitate to lurk here, these people have been the reason for my sanity often, sometimes a little sentence, can be the world of help..
Mitzy
Where in Europe? fish& chips, bratwurst, baguette, gellato, tapas??
Edited 2/22/2004 8:15:00 AM ET by mankella
Dear Mankella,
As for the relationship, it is not a bed of roses either when the rollercoaster is whipping through the fields. We have our rounds, and that is not easy either (had one last night). BUT I need him, and I he. It is not a question of destroying each others marriages as a lurker so blankly pointed out. I help him stay, and vice versa. WE do imagine a day together, but not before the kids are older. I can not take the kids from DH, and can not ask MM to leave his wife or kids. THESE ARE CHOICES that we will NOT make now. He wanted to sweep me away, he still does, but that is off bounds. He can tell me in our place, how much he cares, and vice versa, but no where else.
I have learned to live with the NC periods which are weekends, and vacations. As long as the EMR/A is LD, and even when it is not, you will have to accept these times. Immagine you were a married couple living apart as many of those men on the oil rigs are, or whatever. It is the same concept. I am not trying to give you reason to continue, just opening your eyes. I have read your commits on the other side, as you got my curiousity going. THE choice is YOURS!!!!
For NC, we try to SMS at night, knowing the phone is off, and I am alone in the mornings to turn it on, making sure it is silent doing so, got it? AS for communicating, we do chat daily, not always easy time wise, different zones, but it works. And we have learned not to worry, we will always get in contact when we can, it is part of the deal. It was hard in the begining, it is the insecurity factor of not being or ever being, number 1. His DW and his kids are, I come in later. BUT secretly in our place.. I am his, and he is mine.. that simple..
It is not because you have one more person to love, that you have less love to give to the others, as on other message boards they may feel. Contrary, it is by loving more, that we have more to give.......
ok... challenge is on.... FLAGG! or or Fjord yogurts.. or Gosh, not expert.. you are welcome to contact me by email if you wish.. if you would like. Your secrets will be safe with me... and you sound like you could use a basket case too. I check mail about twice a day. IT IS SAFE... your choice. I tried to email you, but no address, there is no commitment either, if you do.
Hugs Mitzy....