New and in need of advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
New and in need of advice...
2
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 3:25pm
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this so please bear with me. After having typed 'need advice - having affair with older married man'..I've somehow found my way here.

Well here goes...

I'm 24 and I'm having an affair with a man whose 34 years older than me. Sounds pathetic doesn't it? (and I'm saying that as the woman involved). He's 58 and the absolute love of my life. We've been seeing each other for 4 years, we met when I was 21 and he was 57...I sometimes can't quite believe what I'm typing.

Of course as I say, he's married - his children are grown up - infact they're both older than me. But to be honest I don't really care. I love him and I know that he loves me. Why then you may ask have we not just said "stuff everyone, let's just be together?"...the reason being, we split briefly over something he done to me. What he done absolutely broke my trust - how ironic being as we're having an affair eh? But thats what he did. He's hurt me badly, but he's like an addiction that I can't kick. he knows my weak points and he does play on them. He's also pretty good looking for his age which was one of the reasons I noticed him to start with.

I can't trust him yet I love him more than anything in this world. He is my world. I sound like some pathetic silly school girl, but I assure you I'm not. I've got a very good education behind me and I'm very successul at what I do...so's he...we met through our mutual love of music and although I tried to resist him, I couldn't.

I enjoy being with him every second we're together which is very often. I don't feel the slightest remorse when I'm with him, I couldn't care less about anyone else - and that's wrong I know.

It's coming up to Valentines day and all that makes me want to do is stay in bed and pull the covers over my face until it passes.

I hate Valentines day because he won't/can't be with me and that's why I am feeling like this now, all empty and hurtful.

I just need a friendly, understanding reaction. I don't want or need condemnation.

Love to all.

Scarlet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 3:55pm
Scarlet, I would never condemn anyone, thats not my job. This is a support board. If we wanted to get condemned I know we could all go to our friends or family members and get plenty of condemnation from them, but as far as this board goes, we do not condemn here. We try to offer up advice, and tell it like it is most of the time. So that being said, all I have to ask you is this.... If you do not trust this man, how can you love him and say he is your whole world? That just would not work for me. Part of loving someone, at least for me, involves trusting them too. And yes, saying 'trust' in the same sentence with 'affair' does sound like an oxymoron, but I do understand that. I trust my MM 100% and because of that, as well as a long list of other wonderful traits he has, I love him and he is my world to a certain extent. I just think you need to figure out if you can bring back that trust with him, and if not, can you continue in your relationship with him? Not being with him for Valenties day and other occasions does suck big time, but its part of the territory, we just have to learn to deal with that. Instead of letting valentines day get you down, try to come up with something fun you can do for him when you are together again, and celebrate valentines day with him then. After all, its just a day, you can celebrate it any day. Hope this helped some.


Mama

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 10:45am

hi scarlettlady and welcome to our board!


back to you scarlett -- if MM has broken your trust that badly, you need to reevaluate the "why" of your professed love for him.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board