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| Sat, 04-25-2009 - 10:17am |
So some background...I'm the MM (30y/o) and was in a relationship with someone from Jun 08 - Feb 09.
| Sat, 04-25-2009 - 10:17am |
So some background...I'm the MM (30y/o) and was in a relationship with someone from Jun 08 - Feb 09.
Welcome to the board, jelly bean.
I have been both the cheater and the one hurt by a non-divorcing man. Some background (but only a little because I feel like I have said all of this ad-nauseum around here): I was married ten years. Had two affairs, the second with the love of my life. That affair ended in discovery and effectively ended my marriage. It took two years for me to finally give up on both my M and my xAP. My xAP left his marriage too and we dated for a year then lived together with our children for two. My divorce finalized within a year, his never did. It was a point of contention for the entire relationship and caused me a great deal of pain. Then one day, I came home from work and he and his wife's family moved all of his stuff and a good portion of mine out of our shared home. I was blind sided and devastated. He went back to his W. Now she has left him and their young son.
I tell you the above to give you perspective on where I come from when I give you advice. My advice will be fairly simple. If you want your Chica, truly love her, then actions will prove that. I don't see why you need to stay married for your wife to finish school. You could easily write an agreement to support her through her schooling into the divorce documents. Then you can have a firm support and custody agreement in place for your son as well. I have no idea what happened with Chica or the level of pain she feels, but I can tell you that had my former AP done this in our situation maybe things could have turned out differently.
I guess the real question is this: Why did'nt divorce your wife as you undoubtedly promised Chica you would? Why did you choose to string her along? I am wondering if you really do want a divorce (as I am sure Chica is as well). I also have to wonder if maybe you are on the fence about a divorce and are now sad that Chica is no longer waiting for you to decide. If you choose the divorce route? You know you owe it to Chica to just leave her alone and keep her out of it. Divorce is between you and your wife and Chica doesn't need further pain of watching you and she go through that.
Thanks for the reply and views...I'm in S Korea so the time is almost opposite that of the states.
Jelly bean...welcome to the board! :)
My MM sounds very similar to you as far as life circumstances minus the military.
Today didnt go as planned so I didnt get to post at all.
Jelly bean... I gottcha.