New and in need of a shoulder

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
New and in need of a shoulder
12
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 9:28am
I've been lingering around this board for a little while reading some of your stories, and feeling a need to have someone listen to mine. I'm not sure what good it will do, but somehow voicing it all and having someone talk to me about it seems like it would help.

I've been married 8 and a half yrs now, and we were very VERY happy the first 4. Then my H decided he needed something else, and had an A. I was devistated, but I took him back. We went through a lot of trust issues, a lot of fighting, etc. but we made it. He's always been worried about the "revenge factor" but I would never get involved with someone purely for revenge. In fact, I never thought I would do something like that at all. Until recently.

Last summer, I started to become better friends with a guy at work. It was completely innocent, but little by little, I got closer to him without even realizing it. At the same time, my H lost his job and became a couch potato. He's home all day, making a mess in the house, and not doing any of the housework, not contributing in any way. I work full time, and become frustrated when I walk into all this work that needs to be done, and him sitting in the middle of it. We started fighting alot, and I found myself turning to my OM for consolation. He made me feel good about myself, started doing little things for me, and gave me a new lease on life. Before I knew it, I was falling in love with him. He has two jobs, is raising his 2 kids, and goes out of his way to do those little things everyday that make me smile. Needless to say, it didn't take long before I found myself in his arms. I swore I would never let it go too far, but last week we took that final step, and it is now officially an affair.

Meanwhile, H is making me feel guilty as hell. He's trying to be wonderful all of a sudden. I have been imagining a whole other life with this man who makes me so very happy, and it seems like the more I do that, the more H is trying (although I don't think he has any idea what I'm up to). So now I'm more confused than ever. I want to start a new life with OM, but I don't have the nerve to tear our 5yr old son away from his father, or to initiate this life-changing event. And here's the worst part: I am still in love with H. There's just so much that I need that he doesn't seem to want to give. And now I'm afraid of hurting both of them. I know I need to make a decision, but I don't know how to do that. I truely love OM now, and I don't want to lose him.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe someone to tell me I'm not a selfish B (that's what I feel like most of the time). Maybe just to know I'm not alone. Maybe some advice from the outside. Whatever you have to offer, I'd like to hear.

Thanks.

Angel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 7:34pm
just in case you come back to check...

Good for you. I really hope everything works out. It sounds like you're a very lucky woman, and your H a very lucky man.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 10:46am
Thanks, Rain. I'm not sure how lucky H is conisdering what I've done, but I know that I'm lucky to have someone love me enough to work through this.

On a brighter note, I had forgotten how great the sex was at home because I wasn't putting my whole self into it, and I was forgetting what a great lover he is. Not to mention that there's a lot MORE of H to make me happy, if you know what I mean! :)

Angel (again)

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