New to the board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
New to the board
2
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 6:23pm
Hi, I'm new to this board, haven't even been lurking. So forgive me if my questions seem redundant or stupid or whatever. I've been involved with a man for over two years. I love him. And he loves me. I knew he was married when we got involved. And although there are some things about his wife and his marriage that were lacking, he has always told me that he loves her and his family and wants to stay with them. He had gotten involved with another woman before me and she vehemently demanded that he leave his family; his life became hell. Constant fights with her. She tried to demonize his wife and convince him that the only way he could be happy was to leave his wife and kids and be with her. So they broke up, but it was a very painful process from what I can tell. But I guess all that's beside the point. I know that what he wants is to stay with his family and to have someone (me) to balance out and fill in what's missing there. That is fine with me. People don't beleive me when I say that. We have family dinners together and take trips together (yes, all three of us.) She doesn't KNOW about us, but she has to suspect. I'm not a threat to her marriage, and I think she senses this. Lately, when they fight, he and I talk about it and I find myself telling him how to make it better. I look down the road and see he and I having wonderful times together, and he and his family being happy, and even (as we have done already) ALL of us doing stuff together. I respect his marriage and his family. Someone close to me told me that if I can tolerate him being with his family, that I can't really actually love him or be in love with him. I don't think that's true. I was just wondering if there's anyone out there who understands how I feel.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 8:17pm

Hi and welcome bladeguysgirl,


I do not believe that is true... I know for a fact that I love my MM... but I will admit that it is a different love than that I have for my DH... however I don't believe it's any less special... I hope that makes sense.


MM and I are both married with two small children each... neither of us have any intention of walking from our marriages... and we both respect that.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:49am
Hi! I'm new too and this is exactly how I feel! Except we both have marriages and families. I know he's a bit unhappier than I am; I really have no complaints except that i need that little "something" extra that I get from him. I would never leave my marriage or family and I don't suspect that he would either. I am perfectly happy with this arrangement.

Welcome!!!

KC